The Hundredth Mark

Sometimes, things and situations seem to push and pull you all at the same time and you just dont know what to believe or what to do anymore.

It is ironic to think that tight situations dont come to you one at a time but that they go stampeding at you all at once.

I kept thinking of how Kun Lun managed to survive the bull stampede...I think i'll do just that.

Anyways, this blog marks the hundredth of my posts.
And with this is a wish that the next hundreds will reveal a life well lived and loved.

Recollections

when you tend to get to meet again people you met in the past,
when you get to see things that held meaning some time ago,
when you get to hear songs you held dear in days long gone by,
you just cant help but sing Celine Dion's:
"It's all coming back to me now".............

An Adult Now

This will be my first christmas away from home and it sure is taking all my willpower not to let those damned tears fall...
As we shopped yesterday for our Noche Buena, I suddenly realized that for the first time during Christmas, i acted like a responsible adult-in-charge. Usually when at home, i was just the humble assistant of mama and papa, or just lounge around waiting for the food to be cooked...hehehe..but now, i get to do the cooking...talk about "bilog ang mundo"..
hehe..
Well, i just wish this Christmas/saturday wont be as full of drama as i dread it to be...

A Knack for Dates

a have this knack for remembering dates.
like something would happen today
and lo, after a year or so, i'd still remember exactly what happened or
i would remind people what that certain day was.

or, i may be in the middle of workand i just suddenly pause
as there is this nagging feeling that something happened
on that certain day sometime ago
or somebody is celebrating their birthday that very day.

i also easily remember birthdays..
even birthdays of close friends back in elementary whom i havent had any contact since.

and of course, i remember special events with once-special people
although they might not be playing important roles in my life at the moment.

this makes me think yet again that once people make a significant role in your life,
they would always be remembered and memories with them would always be cherished although they dont have the same effect to you as they had once.

and on that day, when years ago, they had made an impact in your life,
you stop and wonder how they may be, where they may be.
and if things have been different what would have happened.
sometimes when you look back, there may be some regrets
but it is best to look back with acceptance and thankfulness with what one
has of the present and with happiness that you've lived through your life, living it the most that you can.

uhm, er, i think my thoughts/POV now is somewhat unorganized and"scattered".hehe..honestly i dont know where im getting at...hehe

Anyways, i just remembered that today is Manny's birthday.
I wonder where that small guy is now...hehe..(look who's talking).

A lovely day

it is such a lovely day to reconstruct bridges.......
^O^

albeit there was a whisper about burning other bridges....

The Promise

Breathtaking. Enchanting. Beautiful.
I. Just. Love. It.!!

Watched it alone but I immensely enjoyed it.
Critics may not like it.
My taste may be eccentric but I just love it!

I wonder how my favorite fairy tale "Jade Goddess"
would be like in the movies...
Yeah, i know i may be eccentric as no body i know has read this fairy tale...hehehe

on mistakes

if u've done one minute wrong in the past,
must u suffer its hard consequences for the rest of ur life?
cant u do anything to rectify that mundane mistake
so as to detach urself from the monumental monster that's grappling u?

on being a believer

perhaps, being a believer of something,
u need not see the tangible part of ur belief
for u to be able to believe in it...
to have faith in it...

and that perhaps, that tangible part of ur belief
is only shown to those unbelievers
so that in turn, they would come to believe that that something does exist

but if it takes to be a non believer to that something in order to be happy,
then i would rather be a non believer...

but how can i be when my whole life i have been a believer
and was even notoriously famous for it?

Another weekend that was...

Thursday night, we had again a little high school reunion as Beth and i met Kathy and her boyfriend who are currently on a shopping and sightseeing spree, touring around Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore and then later Hong Kong. Got lost actually while i was on my way looking for her hotel in Clark Quay. I was straining my neck, looking far away for the Swissotel (and actually walking two blocks down) when it was just right behind me. hehe..Havent met Kathy since college and although there were some nasty rumors going around about her, she is still the same nice, warm and thoughtful Kathy I knew back then. Oh well, she said herself that I still am the same old Meg as she knew back in high school - the same romantic girl. She made that comment (during dinner at a posh seafood restaurant where Kathy treated us to) after i drew their attention to the couple on the next table who were so sweet. My, the guy (a Caucasian by the way) could pass for a movie actor (he's that gorgeous!!!)!! Lucky girlfriend..hehehe..

Friday night, we watched "Perhaps Love". It was a musical with handsome Takeshi Kaneshiro as the lead actor. I heard from the radio the movie costs some US$10M and it was their entry for Oscar's foreign film category. Not sure though if they'll make it to the nominations..hehe..

Saturday was shopping day for me. Still havent bought all the items i needed to buy though..=(
After all the shopping frenzy (and it got me a nasty headache), we headed off to meet the rest of "the gang" for a bowling gimmick and eat all you can at Steam Boat in Marina Bay where Mother Hen will be treating us. The dinner was fun as we cook our food right there at our table and then eat it right away. We didnt have the extra hands to take our pictures though as we got our hands full with the cooking and eating. Anyways, as sweaty as we are with all the heat coming from the stove, we'd rather not have our pictures taken..hehe.. As Kiko put it, it was a once of a lifetime experience as once you've experienced it, you wouldnt want to do it again..hahaha..The food tasted good anyways..=)

Mmmmm..sunday was a hectic day. Been to a lot of places, running errands, buying gifts and meeting Kathy again to drop off my packages for my family. Not only did she treat me (yet again) to another posh restaurant but she gave me a cute doll-figurine from Thailand to add to my doll collection. Whoppie!!! My Asian dolls are almost complete... High time to start collecting from countries in another continent (okay Meg, dream on!!!hehe).

The travel to Kathy's hotel (which was an hour away from my place) was quite eventful. First, i got on the train which was heading to the opposite direction (now, what was i thinking when i boarded the train?). Then, when i did board the right train later, i got so enraptured with the Negi Magi manga i was reading that i didnt realize we already passed the station where i was supposed to get off. Baka me!!hehe...

Anyways, Kathy and i have a different kind of humor. The people at the table beside us were having their pictures taken and as Kathy and i had the best angle, we also took a pose and gave our best smile as their cameraman did his countdown..hahahaha...We had a good laugh after that. Only, it turned to embarrassed giggles when we realized the people at the next table were Filipinos! hahaha..

Oh well..it's another work week again..

Christmas-time

"I'll be home for Christmas
You can count on me
I'll be home for Christ-massss..........
If only in my dreams............."

Little Christmas Tree

My housemates and i finally had our Christmas tree set up!!

When we saw the 4 ft tree at the store, it looked really thin and poor..hehe..but i think after fiddling with it a bit, it looked "fatter" and richer now..=)

Though it only has 6 red-and-gold balls hanging on it and Cindy's still tying the ribbon's up, still it already adds some color on our otherwise bare sala. Looking for the Christmas lights though were a bit more of an "extra-challenge" as we only saw one that has a 100 lights on it and is 36 ft long..too long for our tree..hehe..I hope we can find a shorter one tomorrow.

We now had some decorations, but i still am homesick....

On Originality

I have always prided myself on trying to be original with my viewpoints and when one has raised out one particularly splendid POV, i made sure i always refer to the "author" as i strongly believe on intellectual property rights..hehe..

Anyways, i aired out a few days ago my views on being pitied, and how it can eat away the last vestiges of strength i hold on to.

Last night, we watched Macross Do You Remember Love movie (t'was my first time to see the movie, i swear) and i felt weird when Misa said: "Dont pity me as it will only make me more miserable"...The movie was made some 20 years ago...hehe, and i thought i was original..=)

Angels

Sometimes, i cant help but think that my sanity's gonna snap one of these days, if not already.
But im so thankful ive got Angels who help me get by, lifting me up with their soulful hymns...

The Weekend That Was...

Friday night was fun as Marwell, Keitaro and I headed off to The Esplanade to watch "A Twist of Fate" play. The Esplanade itself was grandiose with its gold colored ceiling and woodworks. With the layout of the theatre, I could well imagine the theatres in old London as described in pocketbooks i've read where people watch the plays in their boxes. Well, the box we were in was on the left tip of the U-shaped theatre and true to the category of our tickets (our tickets were called Restricted View Tickets, bad no?hehe..but it's just as well since it was the cheapest ticket we could get..ehehe), the view was really somewhat restricted as we couldnt see the leftmost side of the stage....

But, nevertheless, the pay was still well worth it as the stage was really grand, the actors/actresses were of caliber (the lead actually is Laura Michelle Kelly, awarded Best Actress for the Mary Poppins in London) and the play was really funny...=D

However, I could really say that our own talents are of international standards already, having in mind the Footloose play we watched earlier in September.

The rest of the weekend went like a whirlwind..=)

Anyways, Erlita sang this really really nice song:

Be brave little one
Make a wish for each sad little tear
Hold your head up though no one is near
Someone's waiting for you

Dont cry little one
There'll be a smile where a frown used to be
You'll be a part of a love and you'll see
Someone's waiting for you

Always keep a little prayer in your pocket
And you're sure you'll see the light
Soon there'll be joy and happiness
And your little world will be bright

Have faith little one
Till your hopes and your wishes come true
You must try to be brave little one
Someone's waiting to love you...

Cards Galore

Singapore seems to be obsessed with the ID system.

To date, I am now in possession of quite a number of cards, some of which i havent used yet.

First is the S Pass which is my employment pass here. When I applied for this card, I brought with me a very nice passport size picture which the inspector rejected as (she said) the lighting weren't symmetrical and it was glossy finish. They took my picture (for an expensive fee of $6) there in the ministry and so now i have an S pass with a pic where i looked very much like a witch..>_<
You use this card in about every application you need like when you buy sim card or when you buy tickets to a play and other stuff.

Then there is our company ID which we use to check in and out of office and to go to the toilet. Quite a hassle really as you need it just to go to the CR. So then, you better not leave it at the house else you have to ask somebody to let you out and in when you go to the toilet.

Then there's the Jurong Pass which I need for me to be able to enter Jurong Island where all of Singapore's refineries and chemical plants are located. They also took my picture there in the office and the camerawoman was perhaps very amazed at my exotic face as she took a close up picture of me. So now i have this ID where the picture can barely contain/fit my face. >_<

Then there's the OPSOC that's proof that we underwent a safety orientation seminar. We need this ID they say so as we can enter any refinery/chemical plant. There, i like my picture as i got to hand to them a pic that i brought with me from the Philippines..hehe

And there's my library card which i use to electronically borrow books.

And the Regent Grove card pass which we use to enter the condominium compound where we live. There's another separate resident card also which we need to present everytime we use the facilities other than the pool i.e. the jacuzzi, tennis court, the gym and sauna. My photo on this one's not so nice again eventhough i had it taken in the Philippines.

Then, we have the EZ lik card which we use to ride the MRT and some buses and just top it up every now and then when the load's dwindled down already. This card's so cool as you can use it (of course when it's only loaded) to pay for your groceries in FAir Price and when you eat in Mc Do.

That's about it, i think..Or still counting?hehe

Reunions

It was funny how i stayed very sleepy the whole day saturday while i stayed disturbingly awake the whole saturday night.

Felt like i was drugged during the day as i dragged myself from bed and prepared for the office where at the office, i was trying to work while sleeping with my eyes wide open. Quite a task huh, hehe. Anyways, to avoid going to the office again come sunday, i brought home with me my work (as of this writing, i have just finished my revisions so im really happy). I slept for a couple of hours before i headed to Orchard to meet a couple of my high school classmates, one of which had just arrived in Singapore for vacation.

I made a BIG mistake though of drinking coffee so I was up till past 4 in the morning, battling ghosts in my mind...

Despite the fact that I slept late however, I woke up early and try as i might to go back to sleep, i just cant. So i just headed on getting ready for mass at Bugis.

Today's our town's (Tagum's) fiesta. I missed the lechon and Papa's DELICIOUS cooking. But the most i missed where my brothers who told me they wished I was there with them...

Techy Weekend...

Last Friday afternoon, i planned to have a "couch potato" weekend, just lounging on the sofa and binge on chocolate while finishing off Isabel Allende's Of Love and Shadows.

Later still in the afternoon though, my plan took a different turn as my colleague dumped more workload on me and i have no choice but to take the PFDs with me at home so I can study it leisurely without the confining office atmosphere.

Anyways, for weeks, I have been mulling over buying a cellphone for my other sim. So, Saturday found Keitaro and I in Mustafa and Sim Lim (the other well known electronics mall here that's more affordable than Funan) as he was also in the hunt for his laptop.

So now, im sitting here, Indian style in the sala, browsing the net through the borrowed laptop from Keitaro with my new sleek white cellphone beside me which i'm beginning to love...=D

Oh yeah, a new cellphone means I'm on a tighter budget now..sniff...gotta lielow on hunting for dresses for now...

Passions

I'm again in one of those moods when i'd like to be alone and adopt a turtle's shell and cut myself from the rest of the world...feel like i dont have the strength to socialize...

So i got me-self a membership at Singapore's coool national library where you can get to borrow and return books at any part of the "country". Think I'm gonna return to my old self (up to high school days) and be a bookworm again...

Belly Smelly

I was an innocent victim last night...

I was looking forward again to going home as my housemate and i are gonna watch again boku dake no madonna. This was one of my favorite tv drama in japan which i wasnt able to finish two years ago, summer in japan then (take note that i got depressed that our extension then wasnt approved as i wont be seeing the ending of the drama then) and it featured also one of my most favorite jap song. Keitaro was able to find a copy of it here and now we're having fun watching it as it is japanese dubbed and chinese subtitled!fun huh?hehe..Anyways, marwell can attest to this also as he had fun watching it also although he doesnt know any japanese..=)

Anyways, I was looking forward to seeing Kyoichi (the handsome lead actor) again and was in a good mood when I rode the mrt in jurong east. It quickly dissipated however, as i stood beside a very smelly pana..UGH!!!. The car was very crowded mind you. Too bad for her cause she could pass for a model, and she has two admirers with her at that. It must be her potion, her smell...ugh!!!!...To think she was so tall I was just level with her underarms..ugh again!!. I was so sick I have to rush home to throw up, stayed in the toilet actually for quite a long time. I didnt have dinner as I just dont have the stomach for it (now if you know me, you'll know the smell was really bad as i'm not one who skips a meal). It was so bad I could throw up just by the thought of it. If anyone could have been dead with an attack of the underarm odor, I might have been dead on the spot then...

Trips

I so loved my Japan assignments, especially when i was assigned together with friends. We did everything together and it was an even greater adventure for all of us as together, we got to explore Japan...

Albeit yesterday, I still had fun doing errands by myself. Sometimes it's loads of fun having yourself for company...

The day of my flight to Singapore (October 16) had been full of adventures indeed. First was the taxi scare when I got paranoid coz the taxi driver stopped at a "talahiban" when we were on our way to the airport. He said he'll just gonna pee but I was so skeptic whether he was telling the truth so all the time that he was taking a pee behind a big boulder, I kept looking at him, hehehe.

During check in, the man behind the counter was so exaperated at us as we have excessive excess baggage. We got more than our fill of scolding, yes, but it's better than paying for the excess baggage...=)

Inside the aircraft, we got really excited as we have our own monitors and there were quite a lot of good movies to watch. Our spirits were dampened though as of all the rows in the aircraft, ours (just the three of us) have faulty entertainment system. For like a number of times, the flight attendants checked our sets but it was to no avail. They offered for us to take the other seats at the back but we declined their offer as it was just too much of an effort, moving our stuff and all. Thirty minutes before landing, the attendants gave us complimentary gifts to compensate our "inconvenience". So the three of us each got a bag of goodies (three cute snoopy, patrick and sponge bob stuffed toys, a cute pencil case, two sets of playing cards, SA ballpen and some postcards)!!!.

The rest of the night was quite eventful still. The "open fly syndrome' striked out again, our lady taxi driver got us lost and the lola who cleans the table after eating at the food court was eyeing the excess utensils we brought.

Our accommodation's really neat! Japan accommodation is such a far far cry. And although, by drawlots, I got the smallest bedroom, nevertheless, it was still cool as I got the best view - a view to a resort like pool and to prospective hunk swimmers in their skimpy trunks!! Can't wait to donn my two-piece suit (under my shirt and shorts..hahahaha)

Singapore...

So this is it...Today's the day that i'm gonna see Singapore for the first time...
And i just wish, i'll see His reason for all these..........
=)

Them OCs and Me

A bunch of OCs, my brothers are. With them in the house, there's a place for everything and everything is in its place. Each and every one of them knows what task is expected of them. Of course, I'm only too happy to let them be with their work..hehehe..

Felt good to have my family around..
But the best part is to have someone to cook for you, clean the house for you, iron the clothes for you and do the laundry for you.....=D
My brothers are more the homemakers than I am nor will I ever be! Great cooks too!

Yesterday was my flight back to Manila and I've been missing my family a lot since last night. It's the hardest part actually; you miss them the most when you've just been with them...
I missed the shoulders that you can lean on, laps that you can lie on and arms to hold on to; not to mention funny guys who do practical jokes on you.

And yeah, Mama and Papa seemed to be more and more affectionate towards each other with every homecoming I make...This is nice really and I hope it gets better by time..=)
Seeing them though, reminds me yet again of my long-time dream of having someone to grow old with.

But I think for the time being, I should put aside that dream and just relish spending time with myself and with my equally interesting girl-friends. Riow's POVs indeed drove me home...=)
Cheers to us!

The Meet With Grandma

I evaded last year's family reunion for a couple of reasons - one of which is that EVERYBODY, especially Lola, would go askin' me again about any love interests lately...I just couldn't stand the thought of that torment last December so I opted to not attend the reunion which I now realize was not the right move.

As is peculiar to old folks, my Lola has tampo over me for not seeing her when I was in town. Now this leads me to think that I may be really getting old already as I get tampo easily...(I'm surely gonna give a reward to somebody who can give me the English of tampo!).

Anyways, it's good to see my Lola again in her refreshing abode. It's even better that I got to hug her and be hugged in return.

By the way, I still didn't get away from the dreaded question...To which I have a "Nay" ready.

More Reunions

Rose earlier than the sun the other day - a big feat for me I say, as I really am not a morning person - as my close friends and housemates back in college have quite an itinerary for the day.

Bes and I fetched preggy-Marnel first from her house where we met again her OOH-SOOO-GORGEOUS husband who was fussing over her but seems overly excited that Marnel's going out with us. Her husband's so good-looking you'd like to be seated when talking to him as your knees would surely buckle just looking at him..hehehe..Been asking her time and again about the potion she used to win him over but alas, it was to no avail...hahaha...

Marnel and I still have hang-ups about going to school and wearing our uniform and so it was somewhat tormenting for us to see those Atenista girls going about the city with their uniforms on. Anyways, it's no wonder I really am not easily starstruck whenever I see movie actresses/models in Manila...the school's practically flooded with model-looking girls (which led me to think that perhaps, subconsciously, our reason why we still would like to wear our uniforms is so as to be one with these girls...hahaha..)

Sometime within the day, my mind was ruffled again with a call I received, but thank goodness, the much-longed-for mass at Ateneo Chapel eased out the creases the ruffle created...=)

During mass, I came to reflect about a lot of things - one of which is that people who have been dear to you once will always remain dear to you albeit not in the same form as the last time. And that knowing they are living their lives well also gives you a certain kind of peace.

I'm happy to see Bernel to be back in good shape again and looking so holy at that. Got even happier when I unexpectedly got to talk to him and see his saintly smile again. Watching his retreating back, I can almost imagine him wearing a frock. But I'm happiest with the thought that there goes another servant for the Lord. Bernel would surely be a very good priest...=)

Anyways, Marnel, Bes and I ended the day exercising our larynges and dance moves at a posh KTV (the best one I've ever been to, even in Japan!). Things never really change...They still are very tough competitiors..hahaha...

Best Buds

The years of being apart haven't really changed things much. Everything was just as it was before - from the okrayan, the practical jokes, the pasikatan/palamangan, the words per minute that could very well beat world records and even up to Inan's finishing off my leftovers.

We were just together for 3 hours, but it was 3 hours of quality time indeed. Funny how he remembers my previous crushes when I myself can't remember the guys themselves..hahaha..

It was also weird when he said that the one word he can always remember me by is "delve" as he claims I was the only one he knows in college who uses this word during normal conversation. It was somewhat like having a deja vu with Paige with "ensconce" and Michelle (?) with "pejorative"...=)

Being the one who first called me a "Cotton" as I get to absorb the emotions of people around me or that I get to dwell on negative emotions too long, he frowned as he still sees that characteristic in me...=(

I was struck though, with what he said about one of his favorite TV shows, about finding sense in something that was really a nonsense in the first place...finding meaning in something so meaningless...

With this, I got to thinking that perhaps, it really depends on one's outlook how one perceives a certain experience; how one assesses that experience depending on one's perspective in life. Like one person can find his work pointless but another can view the same work as fulfilling. And to this example, I can say: "The dignity of labor is in the laborer itself"...

Anyways, I'm excited though as I got another booking as Wedding Singer...=D

On Imelda and Places

As much as I would just like to wait at the waiting shed, I have no choice but to wait for my brother at just outside his room as we haven't talked were exactly shall the two of us meet (I was still in dream land when he went to school).

I was really in a dilemma as I have to pass through a gathering of girl scouts which of course was headed by my old teachers...Anyways, to put the story short, there was really no evading them so I just approached and greeted them as the saying "Ang hindi lumingon sa pinag-galingan ay hindi makakarating sa paroroonan" kept nagging at me.

After the introductions and recollections, I realized my horrible mistake. Mrs. Mercado grabbed the microphone (there was a program, right?) and announced to everybody my homecoming and reminisced my conquests in elementary, all the while pointing at the wall where my name was etched. Aaargghhhh!!! The experience was really horrible and embarrassing that I would have liked it very much had the floor split open and gobbled me up....

Now CJ had asked me again to fetch him come Monday. But, the experience had so traumatized me, he received an outright and big NOOOO....=)

Anyways, after years (had it been four already?) of staying in Manila and seeing garbage strewn on the streets, it's sooo refreshing to see Tagum and Davao's clean streets. It was always a wonder to me how Tagum and Davao can maintain this cleanliness when Manila can't. Surely, Manila gets more budget from the government than Tagum and Davao?? The cleanliness in my hometowns is so reminiscent of Japan...

Japan, Japan...How I missed it so...
Wonder how will Dexy celebrate her birthday?
Anyways, Happy birthday to you girl!!
=)

Fetch and Patch

Woke up early - at 8 (ahhh bliss) - as I have lots to do for the day.
CJ asked me to fetch him from his advance math class and I've obliged him this time. I'm a little wary though as it'll be at my old elementary school and I might meet my old teachers there. I'm cowering now actually, just thinking of the small talk we might be having. Though flattered, I still am ashamed and find it really funny everytime I remember that they've asked me to be the Privileged Guest Speaker for last year's graduates. Huff! Like, I've achieved a lot already!...=)
Though they may not invite me again as I've turned them down then, still one invitation is more than enough to boost my ego, unfit though I still may be..=)

Anyways, I'm sooo looking forward to this afternoon as Inan - my guy bestfriend back in college - and I would be patching up the years we've been apart. =)
I'm so looking forward to hearing about his blooming lovelife (on one condition though that he won't ask about mine....hahahaha..)

A Scary Ride

Though sometimes it feels exhilarating to see the clouds at eye level and look down on tall trees and high mountains, I still would rather ride a ship back home than ride a plane. With every take off, I always am afraid that any minute thereafter, some part of the plane would burst to flames or that there would be some engine trouble or that I would never set foot on solid ground again, much less be alive to set foot on solid ground again...

Morbid, yes, but there's just no stopping these thoughts with every plane ride I take. Sometimes, I catch myself praying to God to grant us safe travel and chant it over and over again, especially when I'm traveling alone...

My plane ride yesterday was the WORRRST I've ever had. I rode PAL actually, but I was thinking whether I was on board another airline and the line "You fly as Asians, you land as spirits" kept nagging at me...Big as the plane was, it shook as we passed cloud racks. With every dip and dive, I felt like I was riding a roller coaster, only that we weren't anchored on some structure but flying some 10,000 ft above ground!! As the plane plummeted and rose, I found myself exclaiming "Lord!"...

The Jap & Pinay couple sitting beside me was holding hands as well as the couple sitting across the isle. With no one to hold hands with, I just hugged myself. I glanced back at the couple across the isle and my fear was somewhat alleviated with a funny yet romantic thought that crossed my mind...I was thinking that perhaps, the guy and the girl were really strangers and that it was only their fear which prompted them to hold on to each other. Should this be the case, she's one lucky girl as the guy was a real cutie....=)

Anyways, I still am here now, blogging that experience so, you can say I landed an Asian still...hehehe...

Ahhh, it's soooo good to eat real and home made food and not some greasy stuff from a fast-food chain....=)

Tickets!!

Got me-self tickets to Davao already!
And I got it a thousand bucks cheaper than what i've expected..=)

Still have a lot to finish though, else my AKP will scalp me bald....=(
I may have to spend the night with Raimondo's long-haired friend...yikes!!
=)

Timeline

It has been a long time since i've read a book that so caught me up like the one i'm reading now. Haven't seen the movie of this book written by Michael Crichton but I have a feeling I'll like the book better than the movie.

I find it funny whenever there were scenes when the leads are running/fighting for their lives and I find myself short and out of breath...=)

The book is not really of the romantic sort but as tales of handsome knights were recounted, I just couldnt help but remember my elementary-school-girlish dreams of meeting my knight in shining armor, ready to sweep the damsel in distress off her feet...hah!! Now, i'm old enough to know the reality..=)
But then on the other hand, I think I grew up too late and my knight might have married already, who knows!

But then again, who knows, I might meet a chivalrous, handsome knight soon...=)
(yeah i know, i gotta wake up from this dream)

Farewells..yet again

Seems to me i said goodbye to friends a lot of times this year...=(
It was Dexy's turn yesterday at CPK...
How I wish I was with her in Japan and have my Sweet November, Winter Sonata and Spring Romance (?)..hehehe.
Wish you well Dexy and I hope you won't be too sad as we all try to look forward to the great adventures that await us..=)

Pretty in Pink

Junel bought me a purty-pretty pink suitcase last night (here's the gist of the story behind: Sakura's suitcase is with him and my suitcase is with Sakura who's now in China...and so I got me a new purty valise...hehe).

Just realized lately though, i've got quite a hang-up with pinks..the umbrella Yhale bought me in Japan was also pink and the exact shade of my suitcase..hahaha..i'm thinking of wearing pink on the day of my flight just for the fun of it..hmmmm..=)

Anyways, I'm really surprised (yet again) how time flew so fast this week. Seemed to me it was just the other day that Michelle and I had lunch (at 3 in the afternoon, mind you) at a posh restaurant when it had been a week already. Yep, we dined at Via Mare and enjoyed good food (yep, i ordered a bangus dish again..hehe) as we enjoyed each other's good company...

We ordered fresh oysters and it was amazing how it tasted really good and it's without "langsa" huh...I remembered when i was watching TV in Japan and saw this dude eat oysters right there by the seaside, i was somewhat sickened with the thought of eating it raw...Now i can say "Sou desu ne" with his "Oishi!"...=)

Almost There.....

Got some news later this afternoon that my employment pass' approved already; which meant i'm going home next week!!!Home, to where the heart is - tuna....and shrimp!!hehehe

Gotta cram though...still have lots of stuff to take care off. Gotta finish my workload, else my akp will skin me alive..=)

The Youngest Eldest

A friend back in college told me I'm the only one she knew who acts like she's the youngest when in fact she's the eldest child in the family. And, i must admit, i do act it sometimes (ok, ok most of times). Can't help it though...and so, I just have to deal with it (what else can I do?), especially when i'm in tampo mode...=(

Anyways, the future still looks uncertain as the exact date of my flight to Davao is still not fixed much less my flight to Singapore.

The Weekend That was...

Missed updating this blog...

Anyways, overnight at Mother Hen's was fun. We got to surprise, surprise! Michelle a bit, though i believe she'd like to have a different kind of gift..hehe..joke!I wonder though what her wish was, when she blew her birthday candle..uhmm..could it be, a Winter Sonata of her own or a Min Hyuk for herself????or could it be not just the look-alike but the real one himself???..hehe.Whatever your wish was, I pray and wish too that it be granted. And wherever your dreams may lead you friend, I will always be here and there(?) rooting for you...=)

The past few days though have not been too well for me as i got sick somewhat. Half of it may be psychological i think but the other half's really tangible (thanks to that corned beef)..hahahaha..am glad though i feel better now.

My medical tests got cleared already as were my immigration clearances. Which means, there'll be only two hurdles left - the approval of my working visa and another medical at singapore..quite testy really, this medical thingy...hehehe...

uhm...what else, what else???oh!!Sandara (Angel as she'll be called from now on), made me a testi in friendster..I pleaded for her to revise some of it though (what audacity i have, yes....) as some of it are much too revealing..hehehe..but thank you, Angel for it..im touched with what you said...=D

And oh!Welcome home Yhale from the Land of the Rising Sun....and she brought with her bubbly-bobbing-Barvin (actually, it's name's Marvin but i'd like to have it's description in all Bs..hehehe)...Now, i'm just gonna look at it every morning when i wake up so i wouldn't be as grouchy as i have always been in the mornings...

A Good Hearty Laugh

'Twas really fulfilling yesterday as we were able to submit our output which we've been doing for the last 6 months!!!whew!time really flies so fast as i still am amazed it's been 6 months already..this month though has been the worst...imagine, my OT hours is just equal to my regular hours!!!now, you can just imagine that my social life really sufferred...err, what social life in the first place?=)

Anyways, to celebrate our milestone, my team and i went to dinner at Dampa last night and had our fill of seafoods. I've had more than my fill however as i feel really hot and weak when i got home and even up to now, i still am feverish and weak...Now, could i really have "high blood"?

I woke up earlier than usual as i was really feeling uncomfortable and planned on not going to the office. But the thought that i have lots to finish and that i'd still be teaching the cadets prompted me to go to work. And im glad i did cause then i had a good hearty laugh with their bunch...A good decision, after all..=)

anticipations...

i was panicky yesterday as i was just advised that i'd be leaving the country in less than two weeks!!
to think i still havent attended to fixing my papers - which means the only time i can go and take a vacation to davao will be on the weekend as i still am not done with my workload at the office...
later in the night however, my boss advised me my flight can be delayed and that i can take a two-week vacation leave!!
wow!!
can't wait to eat fresh fruits again..and the bariles (tuna)..and the shrimp...and the sleep...and the massage...and the beach......and the mass at Ateneo (i wonder if my ex-crush is still there..hehehe)...
ahhh..bliss...=)

Anyways, there's still the matter though of talking with my boss if i can get back here sometime around February..My bestfriend in college would be having her wedding that month (my dream wedding month, though i'm fast believing it'll remain only a dream). She's taken me to be her Maid of Honor though she has a sister..Now, there's a predicament...I wish i wish i can go back home by that time.....

The Pilgrim's Theme

Back in college, this song has always been featured during retreats.
It was never among my favorite church songs...
Since listening to it again last saturday however, I just cant get it out of my system....

The Pilgrim's Theme

Tired of weaving dreams too loose for me to wear
Tired of watching clouds repeat their dance on air
Tired of getting tired of doing what's required
Is life a mere routine in the greater scheme of things
Through with taking roads someone else designed
Through with chasing stars that soon forget to shine
Through with going through one more day - what's new
Does my life still mean a thing in the greater scheme of things

REFRAIN 1:
I think I'll follow the voice that calls within
Dance to the silent song it sings
I hope to find my place
So my life can fall in place
I know in time I'll find my place
In the greater scheme of things

Each must go his way, but how can I decide
Which path I should take, who will be my guide
I need some kind of star to lead me somewhere far
To find a higher dream in the greater scheme of things
The road before me bends, I don't know what I'll find
Will I meet a friend or ghosts I left behind
Should I even be surprised that You're with me in disguise
For it's Your hand I have seen in the greater scheme of things

(REFRAIN 1)

BRIDGE:
For Yours is the voice in my deepest dreams
You are the heart, the very heart
Of the greater scheme of things

(REFRAIN 1)

REFRAIN 2:
Why don't we follow the voice that calls within
Dance to the silent song it sings
One day we'll find our place
For all things fall in place
For all things have a place
In the greater scheme of things
-----------------

A beautiful song, ne?
=)

A Blessed Weekend....

Ahhh blessed water...
I still think it was a miracle - having abundant water supply the whole day through...so then, i got to finish cleaning our bathroom (wow, it just feels sooo good taking a bath in a clean bathroom)..which got me to thinking yet again why i've got hangups on cleaning bathrooms...And, i also got to do my laundry!
Loved the day's activities though as i got time to think and had some exercise which i badly needed (i'm such a lousy bit when it comes to doing exercise). Gotta sweat out the toxins inside...Part of my preparation for this monday's medical for singapore....

And ahhh..blessed sleep..
Whole sunday was spent on sleeping and i wouldnt trade it for anything else (even with an interesting book i'm reading now). It's part of pampering myself....(and oh yeah, we dont have water supply again).

Still feel slightly feverish though...
Anyways, should something go wrong with my medical and psych test, i will just try to think of it as part of The Plan for me...but i do pray it wont go awry as i am looking forward to the choir in Singapore that Riow had been talking about. Listening still to Bukas Palad, i wish i could get to join that choir (albeit Riow told me the members are already oldies..hehe)

The Alchemist

It was in this book when i first read that when you want something so much, the whole world would conspire with you...

And, looks like the world really did conspire with me. For two weeks now, we've been having problems with our water supply but miraculously, we have abundant water supply today!!

So, i got to wash my very long overdue laundry, and would get to clean our bathroom - the most place that i've been itching to clean....i only had preliminary bathroom-cleaning and laundry-washing though as i have to go out for lunch....and i soooo hope there's still plenty of water when i get back to our apartment....

Got to get ready for my psych exam on monday though.......

The Road Not Taken

Havent really gotten around to reading that book but ive always wondered what it says about dealing with the decisions you've made and making the most out of the situation though part of you is thinking you might have taken the wrong fork...

I wish making decisions were more simple...

Angels and Time bombs

It's just been two weeks since starting in her new work and a friend had already hooked strings of men (she just told me one, though i'm inclined to think there's more than one). Calling her an angel..and she is one, mind you. I really wouldnt disagree with those guys as an angel is what actually comes to your mind first when you see her. Anyways, good luck friend, in evading them...hehehe..

Anyways still, I feel now like i'm a walking time bomb. Like any minute now i'm gonna explode. It's just one of life's irony i think that when you're concerned about one aspect in your life, other stuff seems to surface also that needs your attention. Two of my friends were just diagnosed as needing "further counselling" in their psych exams for overseas assignment. Now i wonder if i will not be for "confinement" should my turn come...Oh i hope not..
Albeit, right now, i'll just hold on to that Invisible Hand whom I have always held on to specially in the most turbulent of times....

Didache

It always strikes me as creepy the way Didache hits me on certain days.
Like you were having this certain feeling and then wham! Didache's topic for the day was just that feeling.
Must be The Potter's way of honing me...=)

Still hasnt met our deadline..sniff..
I was even trying to block from my mind the word "getting sick" as i think i'm on the verge of being one. Just a few more days, and i'll take a rest for a day and then carry on again with the race. Well actually i do hope i can take a rest for a day...

And i'll always keep to mind Didache's reading...will try...=)

Horse whips..

I feel now like im getting flayed; like a horse getting whipped at the back for it to go faster...
Feel also like a snail crawling home, ever sooooo slowly...
But soon, soon, all this will be finished...

Anyways, i got to read some stuff i wrote earlier this year.
It gave me goosebumps though and the urge to go look for a time machine if there ever was one.
Now, i'm starting to think that ESP/strong intuition's really one of my gifts...

Simple joys

...having another 0.07% in our progress sheet...
...checking a quality output...
...having a teammate who doesnt like to work overtime do work overtime to help you out in meeting the deadline...
...surviving a whole afternoon without having your blood pressure sky rocket...
...surviving the whole afternoon just concentrating on your work and nothing else (a difficult feat yes)...
...getting invited to perform on concerts (though this would have been big [i dont know the alternate term] if i wouldnt have to pay for the participation fees)...
...being able to stamp your feet...
...getting to be hugged even if it's just through an email...

now on big (could someone help me out with the term?hehe) joys...
...finding unexpected love notes from friends in unexpected places (though this also usually bring tears)...
...receiving snail mails and cards...
...reading mails from friends...
...hearing from a friend whom you havent heard from in ages...
...and lots and lots and lots more.....

Farewells, Fantasies and Footloose

Yet again, I bid another friend goodbye, yesterday.
She's bound for Oman...
For us women, it's some kind of "unchartered" territory and so I really admire Sandara's courage and determination.
You're one hell of a good engineer Sandara, and wherever your dream may lead you, I say kudos to you even as early as now...=)

Anyways, after sending off Sandara, I went to Ortigas to meet my friends Dexy and Keitaro for the Footloose play. Dexy still has to come from Alabang, so Keitaro and I waited at MiniStop for her. After some time, we went to Edsa Shrine to visit the church as we may not be able to attend mass that Sunday (which reminded me that I havent been to Mass for 3 weeks in a row now). Inside the church, I felt that sense of peace and calm I only feel in certain churches. With Edsa Shrine, I felt what I have always felt at Ateneo Chapel back home...I felt like I was home...The aisle is too short for my wedding though..hahaha...Inside the church, I was also reminded of my 5 year-long dream of joining the Bukas Palad choir. A dream that may remain only a dream as the group is really good and Edsa so sooo far from my dormitory..sniff..a fantasy, it would remain...

Having had no expectations in the first place, I enjoyed Footloose. "I Need a Hero" was good, especially the punch line "I need a man". Scenes with the parents, especially Agot's, was touching and I rrreally, rrreally like "Almost Paradise". I may have to sing "I need a hero" first before I can get to sing "Almost Paradise"...hahaha

Anyways, looking at the actors on the stage singing and dancing, I was once again reminded of yet again another "long-time" dream of being on the stage as "Kim" of Miss Saigon..Another fantasy yes..hehe..But on second thoughts, I'd like to be "Ellen" as "Chris" chose to stay with her...

We strolled around the mall after that, trying to look for some outfit for Dexy. I ended up falling in love with a couple of dresses though while not one dress attracted her. As I said, I'll end up dirt poor buying all the dresses I want if ever I accompany Dexy in her shopping spree. I just might have to give up being Dexy's couturier.=P

Inside the mind of a Psycho(?)

Sometimes when im on the threshold of waking consciousness and slumber, I have these images in my mind (i dont know if i can really categorize it as a dream as I always have the feeling that im still half-conscious) that I really cant shake off nor that I have control of.

These images usually have two themes.

First is the set of images of warring colors. A kaleidoscope sometimes or shades of white and black at times (yes there are, in my mind's eye). These images strike me as like the battling of good and evil. I dont know if these are reflections of my behaviors and thoughts for the day or premonitions for the following day but it somehow always comforts me when the last color that flashed before me is white or any color of light shade.

The second set of images is somewhat a combination of some sorts. It starts out with the flashing of different shapes before me - square, circle, free shape, triangle, octagon and the like. Then it transforms into something like war for attention of giants and dwarfs. Here, I see people (though i cant remember later on who flashed before me). One would flash as a humongous giant and another would be a diminutive elf. Now these images strike me as something like, who has more power or control over who; who was shamed into puniness or who was exalted to greatness and into gigantic proportions.

It's been weeks now since i've had any of those images.

Right now though, I feel like im the smallest Lilliputian there ever lived.....

All Stressed Out

I'm surprising even myself, in saying this, but I was really having fun with my work at the start of the day. Though it's keeping me from finishing my work, i find the queries of my teammates as a much welcome break and i treat it as a challenge as to how far can i push myself.

And i realized later in the afternoon that it was not that far.

i was all stressed out at 5 already that i dont even have the energy to socialize in our company anniversary party. i just want to be out of the office and want to keep the mounting P&ID out of my sight...

This made me think if i am what you can call an escapist...
Seems like i always run away when i'm pressured like this.
But then again I always justify that I can't think when i'm saturated like this. So whenever i feel like the pressure is squeezing me into a tiny pulp, I just get up right away, leave my desk cluttered as it is and leave like i have no responsibilities to think of.

Gotta take a breather...gotta have some fresh air...gotta have some unwinding...

I think an Aegis song would help me unwind...hahahahaha.......

Extremes of some sort

I was just taking a break from the drawings i was working on when my glance fell on the doll Paige gave me during her first visit to Japan (it was sooo cute i kept it displayed on my desk). I then noticed there was a green writing on it which i was sure i didnt put there.
What it was, was Paige's note to the doll telling it to take care of her friend...
And there was no stopping the tears from there..hehe..yeah, melodramatic i know but you just cant stop the tears and memories as they all come gushing out...

Wherever you are friend, take care too..=D

Anyways, after an hour or so of serious work (with headphones on) i noticed something sounded very odd in the office. It was like somebody was in deep, agonizing pain and was moaning. Or like something was ravenously hungry and was howling, ready to kill for food...bad me..hehe..it was my officemate..an-extremely-intelligent-but-rarely-to-talk-to dude...my friends and i were having a hard time not laughing out loud...felt like i could die laughing....

Now that's weird as i got to experience a lot of emotions tonight..from deep sadness to mirth..
o yeah, i also got sky-high irritated tonight so there's another emotion on the list..=)

Understatement

That was the word I was looking for in yesterday's blog..hehe..

Anyways, my batchmate sent me the writeup below.
Makes me wonder if I'll EVER meet a man who'll love me like that.
But then again, when you want something, you can always start at yourself.
You can strive to be the right girl for a right guy (i say right and not perfect...and i say right girl, not a martyr...hehe...plus the right guy and not some loser with no backbone [much like kevin in attic cat, although in fairness, he's starting to show some decisiveness na..] )

-------------

Love Is Stronger . . .
By John Wayne Schlatter

Having a goal based on love is the greatest life insurance in the world.
If you had asked my dad why he got up in the morning, you would have found his answer disarmingly simple: "To make my wife happy."

Mom and Dad met when they were nine. Every day before school, they met on a park bench with their homework. Mom corrected Dad's English and he did the same with her math. Upon graduation, their teachers said that the two of them were the best "student" in the school. Note the singular!

They took their time building their relationship, even though Dad always knew she was the girl for him. Their first kiss occurred when they were 17, and their romance continued to grow into their 80s.

Just how much power their relationship created was brought to light in 1964. The doctor told Dad he had cancer and estimated that he had six months to one year left at the most.
"Sorry to disagree with you, Doc," my father said. "But I'll tell you how long I have. One day longer than my wife. I love her too much to leave the planet without her."

And so it was, to the amazement of everyone who didn't really know this love-matched pair, that Mom passed away at the age of 85 and Dad followed one year later when he was 86. Near the end, he told my brothers and me that those 17 years were the best six months he ever spent.

To the wonderful doctors and nurses at the Department of Veterans' Affairs Medical Center at Long Beach, he was a walking miracle. They kept a loving watch on him and just couldn't understand how a body so riddled with cancer could continue to function so well.
My dad's explanation was simple. He informed them that he had been a medic in World War I and saw amputated arms and legs, and he had noticed that none of them could think. So he decided he would tell his body how to behave. Once, as he stood up and it was evident he felt a stabbing pain, he looked down at his chest and shouted, "Shut up! We're having a party here."
Two days before he left us he said, "Boys, I'll be with your mother very soon and someday, some place we'll all be together again. But take your time about joining us; your mother and I have a lot of catching up to do."

It is said that love is stronger than prison walls. Dad proved it was a heck of a lot stronger than tiny cancer cells.

Bob, George and I are still here, armed with Dad's final gift.

A goal, a love and a dream give you total control
over your body and your life.

Multi-tasking

With the load and burden i'm in now, the word seemed like an underestimation (?...been racking my brain for the right word but i couldnt come up with one)

It's like you have to think of everything and have time to do everything.
Though i'm relieved the pressure of my voice lessons is off me, still part of me misses the diversion and the one-of-a-kind-and-altogether-different challenge i have to conquer when i'm up the stage.

Recitals went well i suppose and i'm happy coz my friends liked my performance and the rest of the show. I missed the kids though (now i really wonder when i'm going to have one of my own or IF i'm ever going to have one..hahahaha).

oh yeah, it turned out my ex crush had another appointment so he didnt show up in my recital. Too bad he didnt see me give my best..ehehhehe..

Today, Paige flew to US.................
Bye dear friend, God speed and let's just keep on praying we'll meet again..there..=D

words that struck me.....

Fate and free will often intersect. Where you go from there is up to you.

-------------------

I feel the rain tap on my head,
Could it be your tears? Do you need a friend?
I dont know how far, and I dont know how long,
All I know is that He's faithful.
Such a love, it burns deep inside
I know that you'll be worth all the tears that I have cried.
-When God Writes Your Love Story

------------------

The sweetest things in this world today have come to us through tears and pain.
-When God Writes Your Love Story


On second thoughts, above seems so hopeful right?

hugs and kisses

Today's my last session in my Voice and Stage Lessons.

Tomorrow's gonna be my recital and so we had our general rehearsals earlier today.
When i arrived in the center and entered the "performance hall", warm greetings and hugs and kisses welcomed me as the kids gathered around me (and to think they were doing vocalizations then). It's so heartwarming, knowing they liked me. I would miss those kids, especially hannah, jamilla, and chester...Which made me think I really am better around kids than with teenagers..=)

Chester gave me a drawing after a fellow recitalist and i sang our number and i think i'm gonna keep it with me for a long time...i so remember the drawings, letters, and cards my younger brothers gave me all these years...

Oh yeah, i remember, the other night, my brother (the one next to me), said "i love you" to me. Now, that's worth blogging as that was the first time he said it in all our lives!!!haha...
He must have felt the confusion i'm in now......

new kid on the block

im quite excited with my recital although thinking about my song gives me the creeps...it's sooo high i have to use a head tone...

plus, a friend just texted saying she'll try to bring along her friend who's been my ex-crush...
now, im really nervous with the thought..
i feel like a high school girl walking past the campus heartthrob. So giddy, yet so so nervous...

well, at least there's a relief from my current quicksand....

Lost..........

It's just soooooo ironic.

The Golden rule took a flip and what i did was a reverse of what should be. I never intend to though...=(
Anyways, what someone did to me I unconsciously did to another. And to a true loyal friend at that.
To think that just last night someone just broke a promise to me (that friend might have done it unconsciously though), this afternoon, I broke a pact myself...

Now, if one could only decide on something that could hurt not one person yet at the same time would not sacrifice his own happiness nor ignore the proddings of the people whose opinion he'd trusted for most of his life...

Frankly though, Im not sure where I would be happy....

In decision making, I've always tried to go for where my heart lies. But for now, it seems that my heart would like to go to many places at the same time.

I am practically torn. Lost. Confused.

This afternoon, though I'd like to spend more time with a dear friend, we had to cut it short as I still have my rehearsals for this sunday's recital and she still has to work. During rehearsals, though i can really call it a success (and frankly i'm surprised myself as I've just traveled and was really harassed, not to mention "tuliro") as my coaches and classmates (and their parents) liked it, I cant help but feel really sad and bad because at the back of my mind, I cant help but think that some people that matter to me might be hurt with what decision I might have.

And for now, I still dont know what it is.....

More Gales...

I may have to get used to gales for now. Seems like it's the season for this.

This morning had been liked another whirlwind. Plus, had to do some acting job...

An unexpected expected reward came, a blessing this is yes, though this only made things more complicated and harder to let go.

And I'm sooooo happy coz Malou gave me a Love Ball!!! - a much-asked gift for some time now..hehe..
Tested it already with a friend and for those "for the moment questions" it seems that it's telling the truth (am trying to convince myself yeah)...
I wonder though if the question I asked for September will come true........=)

A confused kid, I am now.....

And as for controversies...please people, leave me alone...

Gales.........

And a whirlwind it was....

So much have happened the past few days it was hard to keep tab on all of them...

Did much internal cartwheels and mental yogas;
Did quite an acting in a concert where I had a hard time fitting in (I prefer kids over teenagers);
Had lots of fun with the comedy "bar" of our own;
A tidal wave that swept me off my feet;
Imminent envoi.......

rehearsals and stuff

Last night had been pretty eventful.

I have to leave the office early (and this time reluctantly, imagine?!) for rehearsals for this friday's concert and a meeting for my finals come end of the month.

They want me to sing another Whitney Houston song...they say her songs suit me best but then i want to sing the voice within...right now, i feel like a child with a tantrum who refused to go walking any further and just sat on the floor with her legs again on a froglike position. I want "the voice within", i want "the voice within", i want "the voice within".........
i still have a chance of convincing them though since they havent heard me sing this yet. All i have to do is to practice it a lot so they'll give a go signal na that i can sing the voice within in my recital...But I have this sinking feeling my voice is really not suited to the song...=(

Afterwards was practice for "Long Playing"....hmmmmmmm...it rrrrrreally feels good to dance and feel the rythmn of the music get to you...Still have a problem though getting along with the teenagers. It's like my social skills are put to test. Or perhaps, I really am getting old..=(
But if that's the case, why do I get along very well with little kids?hmmm...

Afterwards still was like a whirlwind...=)
Wonder where it will take me?.......

Toxic

Head swimming...
Heightened hearing sense...
Slang speech...

Still am intoxicated after last night's booze session with my housemates.
Temporary madness, brief numbness.

It would be better though if one can just purge out in an instant the toxins inside you.

Anyways, drunk as i am, i still was not able to do my cartwheel....

and they say im summa cum laude......hehehe

fow now, ive decided to make this blog for future reference of memorable and momentous events...........

praticum hubbub

Today had been such a hectic day...

Practicum's to be at makati and i am yet to buy my attire and accessories (sm southmall opens at 10). In an hour's rush, i got to buy what i needed and so off i go to makati to meet a friend who knows the bar where we were supposed to have our practicum. By the time I got to her house, i'm about to drop with hunger and my aching feet was killing me. As i was already late (we need to be at the bar by 12 yet i was still not dressed around 1), I have to eat, dress and apply make-up (what little i know) all in 30 min's time.

My friend's house was just walking distance to the bar and so i have no choice but to walk, though i was REALLY self-conscious with my attire (it was simple for some people i guess..but being the certified manang i am, it's a bit sexier than what should be).

My friend and I got lost for like 15 min i think..hehe..we made the wrong turn...and so what little poise i had left, evaporated as my aching feet was consuming my consciousness and the stiffling heat was suffocating.

Anyways, my friend and I reached the bar after some time and she left me to fetch our other friends who'll be watching me perform also. While waiting for them, I got homesick and felt so alone...Every other practicumer have their parents, family and friends with them and yet I sat at the corner, alone....

Anyways, supposedly, our group was to be at the second half of the program but due to technical errors with the other group (the outher group is another branch of the center i enrolled in). we were made to present first. This got me really panicky as my friends havent arrived yet and there's no one to whom I can leave my bag and stuff with. Worse, there's no one to support and watch me perform, much less take pictures of me. Being emotional as i am, i was near tears already. At the back of my mind, I was afraid that tears may fall while im singing my fast/danceable song. Anyways, my friends just got in time. No sooner were they able to sit when the DJ played my song.

Dancing while singing is still a difficult feat for me but the dancing really helped a lot in concealing my shaking hands (the worst shaking i've had during performance so far..hehe). My second song was easier because it is a slow one and it's easy to put emotions on it as i can relate to it....hehe..I was just afraid though that i may not be able to reach the high tones as my throat was already very dry.

All in all, my friends (and i think the rest of the audience too) liked my performance so I'm really happy...

To God be the glory...=)

PS
A friend texted me and asked how was my practicum. I told her it was pretty okay i think and that the crowd "loved" my "common baby" part. She said the stage can really transform you in to something else... And she's right. On stage, your courage, your talent, your presence of mind, and your quick thinking among other things is put to test and it is a challenge for you to put all your faculties to work and perform their best. Just one performance is a wholistic transformation in itself......

S Diary (Memories that are nothing yet mean everything)

A friend lent me this korean film and i must admit I was really hesitant in watching it. Afraid of the lessons I might find. Anyways, curiosity got the better of me so I ended up watching it (I have to stop watching it midway though because I still have to watch Sugo and Attic Cat..jologs i know..hehe).

It was about a girl who have had 4 boyfriends and on her 4th breakup, her ex told her to go back to her past loves and ask them if they really loved her. Her past love stories were flashedback and though there were also many "kilig moments" (i liked her 3rd bf the most), still they ended up nastily. When she returned to her exes though and asked them if they've loved her, it turned out they didnt (i think mostly because these dudes have moved on already while she had not). Angered, she thought of revenge for her exes and made them pay for all the troubles they've caused and the expenses she'd incurred while with them. When they refused to pay, she thought of funny yet creative means of revenge to get what she wanted. She ended up having the money...but ended up lonely...

Anyways, in the end was self-realization..She found the one person she had been looking for...herself...

"The memories i thought I would loose, held me close"...

In the end still, was acceptance that everything is over and she somehow got over the guys on her own without someone else coming along..really good...and yeah, she got to publish a book (a bestseller i think) and she sent each of her exes a copy....hmmmm....

But what came as a bonus was that towards the end of the movie, there were scenes of her exes that showed what length they went through to show to her they love her (though this is without the girl knowing it)....Nothing much..It's just that at least at some point in time, she was loved....

Farewells and Anticipations

I planned to wake up earlier than usual today to practice for my saturday class since I wasnt able to practice my piece for the past week. The thought however that Paige will be moving out today made me want to spend the rest of the morning with her. Que sera with my song and class...
Paige and I went through the scrapbook I gave her in where I documented the 3 and half years we've been together. Each page brought bittersweet and funny memories which all the more brought tears to our eyes. The separation still havent sank in my consciousness and it was really silly of me to think I'd still see her soon.
Anyways, my class later in the day had been like a blast to me. When I arrived in the center, I was told my practicum's next week and that I'm invited to 2 concerts (i have to pay though to cover for the production fees in which up to now I still am not in terms with the idea that I have to pay them to sing. Yeah, it's exposure for me but still...I still havent said yes to the concert though..practicum's a required one so it's ok for me to pay).
Good thing though that I havent practiced "Emotions" for the day (the head tone in this song feels like my larynx will explode to pieces though coach uly says I have a power head tone).
We had stage pop dancing lessons and being one that's totally void of exercise, I felt like I was drained of all energy after the class. I planned to work overtime but I wasnt able to since I got really tired and sleepy with our activity.
Later in the night, Paige and i said our goodbyes and there was no stopping the tears. It welled up inside us and gushed out of us. Assurances of seeing each other again.....yes i hope so....and soon please...It was really hard seeing her empty bed beside mine...her empty cabinet below mine...her missing jewelries on my "dresser"...her missing towel beside mine...
I tried to watch Beauty and the Beast but I was so lonely I still ended up crying after the movie, for an altogether different reason this time.........
Anyways, monday will be a harder one i bet as there'll be no Paige to be seen in the office anymore..no more Paige to email..no more Paige to rush to when I suddenly thought of something..
Well at least I have a sunday to prepare myself...

On the Look for a Challenging Song...

My classes are consuming my weekends but I couldnt have asked for anything more...
It's a real big help to me, especially since it takes my mind away from depressing thoughts.
At times, I feel pressured 'cause most of my classmates are kids (there's this particular rude kid i really DONT like). But what the heck, I enrolled to keep my mind off things and I wouldnt want any hecklers to hinder me from enjoying singing.
During my first two classes, I felt like I failed...my coaches (kim and jo) wrote a lot of things to improve on my singing. I was thinking, I might be singing Healing for most of my classes..
but then I was wrong..hehe..
On my 3rd session, coach dharlene said, I should find another challenging song and that i have a good VQ and TQ. I looked for challenging songs for me so I chose "Where do Broken Hearts Go" and "Break it to Me Gently". On the next session, coach uly loved my "Break it to Me Gently" (^_^) but he suggested i look for a more challenging song..he chose "Emotions" and I must admit it really really is a difficult one..and so, i cant help but grumble as i dont want a challenging song..i just want to sing, that's all..
Anyways, coach uly and kim invited me as front act in their concert and sing one song!!
i chickened out so i said, i'll think about it first..
now, im thrilled of the thought...i was wondering if the offer still stands come saturday?
=)

Pins, Pick-ups and Flies

Friday night was an unusually long night for me...

Office once again got to my nerves and it was taking all my will power not hit sink bottom again. Towards the afternoon, I kept glancing out the window and somehow, the determination of the sun to penetrate those ominous clouds gave me the inspiration to not give in to the gnawing claws of dejection.

My officemate and I went out to buy our sending off gift to Paige who'll be going to the States in the next couple of weeks. We then went to a KTV within the mall and reserved a room for our farewell party next week. After parting ways with my officemate, I once again felt the coldness around me..sucking out all the happiness i've been holding on to for the past couple of days. Much like what Harry Potter must have felt when dementors were around him. As usual when I get this kind of feeling, I grabbed an ice cream and reveled on something much colder than what I feel...

Around 10, i met Malou and Michelle and we headed off to a comedy bar... just what i need to help me unwind.
I really am amazed that in the truest sense of the word, gays are really gay and fun to be around...Just looking at them perform, sing and crack jokes (though you should be open minded to get a hang on their jokes) makes one think that being gay as they are, still, they have carried out their karma to the fullest. Good for them, as they're assured they wouldnt turn into stones in their next life..hmmm..i wonder if they've reached nirvana yet.....=)

Anyways, at that time, I was thinking if it was my karma to go out and sing on the stage. My two companions were trying their bestest (^_^) to convince me to sing on stage but I was so, so afraid to have the gays make fun of me and make a laughingstock out of me and ask me one fatal question: "girl, do you have a boyfriend?"...aaarrgghh..One fatal question would lead to another, i'm sure of it...

The challenge to perform and conquer my fears got the better of me however and I agreed to sing "So Slow" (again) and "Love Moves in Mysterious Ways".

Waiting for my turn took forever however...Finally, Michelle expedited the waiter and after some confirmations, we were told that I was next in line. I was really nervous (wonder how fear of gays is called?-gaynophobia??^_^) I had to go to the CR to pee.

Michelle really acted like a stage sister so much, I was starting to think she's more nervous than I was... Anyways, I wasnt called in the next number however and so, we waited for yet another number, my nervousness mounting all the while. However, this did not hinder me from noticing how the guys from the other table were looking at michelle. Being on the lookout for attractive personalities myself, their moves were all too familiar to me--like, discreetly looking at his back (it wasnt discreet to me really) or turning around and signaling for the waiter when there was no waiter at the back at all...=)

I told Michelle how the guys at the other table were trying to communicate to each other there was a looker at our table but michelle wouldnt hear of it. I decided to stall for time however and see what would their next move be.

Just then, Phillip (a famous gay TV personality) called my name and instantly, I heard drum rolls in my ears. Though it was getting louder as I walked to the stage, I felt like it was also eerily silent at the same time...like, a pin could drop to the ground and still you could hear a loud thud as it hit the floor...

Try as I might to just enjoy the song and forget how nervous i am, still, it was a big effort for me to hide the shaking I felt inside. This did not stop me however, to notice how a real cutie guy in front kept banging his head to the beat of my song and how he kept clapping his hand..=)

I glanced on the direction of my friends and the sight of the guy-on-the-next-table talking to michelle somehow zapped my nervousness and I suddenly found myself smiling on stage. The applause I got after my number was really heart-warming but i was suddenly oblivious to it as I was excited to hear Michelle's story. It turned out that the guy-on-the-next-table asked michelle if she (and her companions ) would like some more drinks. Michelle declined however, and told the guy we were just about to go and were just waiting for me to finish with my performance. Poor guy..if I was there, I wouldnt have delined the offer (though i was not the one being offerred) and would have ordered marguerita for the three of us (it's free so why sulk?hehe). Anyways, thinking about it now, michelle's decision may have been right as we couldnt have handled the guys later on (they look too big for me and thinking of the consequences makes the experience somewhat scary..^_^). Certified manangs, we are...hehe..

Right after my "performance" (as it was very late, or shall we say early in the morning already), we got out and headed to Malou's car. Malou was then frantically searching for her car keys but couldnt find it in her bag nor in her pockets. Michelle cracked a joke that the keys must have been left inside the car...

Horrified, it dawned on us that the key WAS really left inside the car...

Some guys noticed our dilemma and they told us the car door lock has to be forced. Funny how they were so defensive when they told us they were just there to help us and that they were really not experts on forcing car door locks. They tried to force the lock using a wire but after about 30 mins, their attempts were futile however. They called on another guy, a taxi driver, and the guy was profusely cursing them as he was saying he was a taxi driver and not a professional carnapper. Nevertheless, it turned out he was good at picking locks as he was able to open the car door in no time at all, with just a fork in hand...

Malou saw Michelle and me home and the excitement of the night was slowly taking a toll on us. We chatted for some time in the sala and I got up to take a look at myself in the full length mirror. Just as we thought we had enough excitement for the night, I found out that my fly was open!!!It was open from the time I went to the CR in the bar, up to the time I went up the stage and until we went home. Good thing my polo was long and my open fly wasnt obvious. Or was it??

=)

Deadly Apathy

Last night, Paige and I went staright to SM southmall right after office (where else can we go) for dinner. Traffic again was sluggish like it had been for a few days now. Earlier on, we agreed to eat in Binalot and afterwhich indulge in ice cream (gotta have something colder than the coldness of depression that's eating us raw).
Upon reaching SM's basement floor, Paige suggested we first take a look at ******* Bento (a Japanese express resto which serves food done also by a famous japanese restaurant in the area) before we order at Binalot.
The aroma of Jap food wafted to our nostrils and I was really surprised coz it smelled soooo japanese (honestly, japanese food served here in our country are such poor imitation of real jap food sold in Nihon).
Anyways, the smell made me nostalgic and somewhat homesick in that I convinced Paige we eat there instead of at Binalot.
So off we ate at this bento resto and ordered katsudon and strawberry iced tea (which by the way, tasted like cheap strawberry juice and such a far cry from the strawberry tea I had in Verry Strawberry, Tokyu Hands). In fairness, their katsudon tastes good 'though I like katsudon in #### (located in ATC foodcourt) more 'cause there, katsudon comes with miso soup which I always sip straight from the bowl like the japanese do (care ko if that's a no no in Filipino culture).
After dinner, we bought ice creams and licked our cones in SM foodcourt. While I was so-happily licking my cold delight, I happen to glance at my side and sure enough a young guy was staring at me. He was mumbling something to me and he looked like either he was near tears or had been crying for sometime already. From what I gather with his mumblings, he seemed to be asking for money.I looked away then and continued to lick my ice cream while covertly relaying to Paige the young man's plea.
With so many deceivers, swindlers and delinquents nowadays, it makes one be wary of people asking for money. We tried to avoid the young guy's gaze and secretly disputed within ourselves if we shall give in and give him some bucks.
Inwardly, I was disputing if this boy's just deceiving us. He doesn't look like a beggar mind you; neither does he look like some rascal who's ready to plunge a knife at you if it fancies him. No. He looked like a child who's lost in his way and is at a loss what to do.
I sneaked another glance at him and he was already facing the other way where he was begging his way to a father out to dinner with his family. But the older man brusquely waved his hand at him as if shooing the poor boy out.
Daunted, the young man then stood up and walked away with bowed head. It really pricked my heart as I watched him retreating.
And Paige was moved as much....
Sin of omission. That was it. Really sad how lack of trust could lead people to apathy.
Paige and i glumly finished our ice cream. Deep within us, we know we'll have one troubled night; much worse a troubled sleep. We just perked up a bit when we decided to look for the young man.
And so you can just imagine how glad we were when we saw him sitting on a bench in front of watson's.
Still with that same look - lost and at a loss.
We approached him and asked him what was his dilemma. It turned out he's from Bacoor, Cavite and his companion already left him and went ahead to Bacoor; him left behind and penniless.
All he was just asking was a 20-peso fare back home....
Later, when Paige and I were walking home, we shuddered at the thought of not seeing him again and him wandering the streets at night and wondering how he'll be able to get home.
Heart wrenching isnt it?
Gives me the creeps how apathy can destroy someone's life.......

of miss saigon and my hydraulics.......

so late already..and here i am still, staring at this wretched compressor that won't converge for heavens know what reason...
feel like my head has reached yet again it's saturation point...
but, still can't help but be enraptured with miss saigon that has been repeatedly played over and over in my pc..
such sorry fate for one who has loved so much..but i envy her for being such a fighter and such a hopeful..
months ago, that has been my mantra--
"I still..
I still believe,
you will return
I know you
will my heart
against all odds
holds still..."
but now..nah...just doesnt apply anymore and should not apply anymore much as i would like to....

---------
above should have been my entry last night. but i was soooo saturated
i cant even organize my thoughts..
anyways, this morning started perfect since i found my compressor now running!
yet still now, it's late again and miss saigon's playing again on my pc...

i feel ssoooo much with this play in that i soooo hope i could get to see this on Broadway...or even get to sing this myself on stage...

hahahha.."dreams are my reality.."
familiar song aint it?

barbapapa

they're all getting agog on barbapapa...
yet im going gaga on trying to get over it...

In Denial

When in denial, it is when you are fully aware of the immensity of a certain reality that keeps rubbing on you...
In denying comes the acknowledgement of the very presence of this inescapable reality - a reality that could wreak imbalance into your equilibrium...
How I would like to remain ensconced in my apathetic cocoon...to not submit to this state of denial.
But then only when I boldly shed this ugly scales would I come to know that this looming reality is not as scary as I thought it would be.
Take courage, take flight, flap those still-unsteady-yet-beautiful wings and leave behind those ugly scales - the cowardness of denial...

The Search

Red-faced from crouching under the table, I stared helplessly at my friends. Their expressions ranged from exasperation to sympathetic mirth. From their faces I could see that my search for the screw of my earrings was futile; good thing, they were sensitive enough not to point this out. But even of they did, I still would continue to search for the screw, futile and embarrassing it may be. I was mindless of the people inside the restaurant who were already looking at me and were curious as to the reason of the racket I was causing. All I had in mind was to find that screw.
After a long time of searching, I was about to give up and started consoling myself. Huff, let bygones be bygones. Trying to shake off my determined yet almost useless pursuit, I took a glance behind just for the last time. And sure enough, there it was!! Ecstasy couldn’t describe the feeling I had when I held the screw of my earrings in my hand.
Reflective as I was, I thought that perhaps my recent experience with the lost screw could somehow be applicable to my long-time pursuit with duh! - Love. That if I could just be a little more patient in my long-time search for that illusive love, perhaps I might be successful in finding it…
My friend told me that perhaps I was so determined in my search for the screw because I know that the screw was right there all along, waiting for me to find it. Perhaps, my faith that duh love really exists subconsciously fuels my efforts to go, look, find and wait for that love to happen to me. And though it’s just within my grasp, I just can’t seem to get my hands on it because I was looking at the wrong places….
Frankly, all the years of inaction from that illusive Cupid’s arrows (that works on both parties mind you) and years of loving on a one-way street somehow made me skeptic and doubtful that “it” could happen to me.
Somehow, I’ve learned how to cherish the peace and happiness I feel with being single and I do mean this without any hint of sourgraping on the sides. Just sheer, blissful peace………
But, oh! I just can’t lie to myself lie as I might to others…I just want someone to rock my world! Call him my melody and my home. Although, right this very moment it’s total duh for me (can’t even imagine myself to be just one inch close with someone), I cant seem to help myself but long to also experience what happy couples have.
I remembered the scene back home last Christmas when my youngest brother, joined Mama and Papa’s hands together and looked, smiled at them. It was like my brother was officiating my parents’ second wedding and giving them their blessing. Even only looking at my parents lying on each others’ lap and them doing things together refuels my determination and yet launch myself to another quest and probably a long time of waiting.
Yes, it probably will be a long wait and that I know, that life I so longed for is not a bed of roses but, it’s a life a want and I want it to be like a heaven on earth.