It was not a total waste of time and emotion after all, I think. I did learn some lessons and I did realize i'm a bit better now in handling my emotions and trying to get over it.
It was fun. We had fun. So I still am thanking you.
Wednesday 30 April 2008
Grey's Anatomy, Season 1, episode 6
After much salestalk from Kitty and Zoey, I finally tried watching Grey's Anatomy.
And I got hooked! Fortunately, I was able to muster enough self-discipline and make use of today's holiday to force myself to clean up my house (finally!), cook myself lunch and dinner and do some work for the Optimizer in between episodes. Anyways, this episode is probably one of my favorites so far. (i'm still into the 1st episode of season 2)
And Meredith says....
"I don’t know why we have to put things off. But if I had to guess, I think it has a lot to do with fear – fear of failure, fear of pain, fear of rejection. Sometimes, the fear of just making a decision. Because what if you’re wrong? What if you’re making a mistake you cant undo? Whatever it is we’re afraid of, one thing holds true – that by the time the pain of not doing a thing gets worse than the fear of doing it, it could feel like we’re carrying around a giant tumor. He who hesitates is lost.
We sweep today’s possibility under tomorrow’s rug until we can't anymore; until we finally understand for ourselves, that knowing is better than wondering. That waking is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst, most intractable mistake beats the hell out of never trying."
And I got hooked! Fortunately, I was able to muster enough self-discipline and make use of today's holiday to force myself to clean up my house (finally!), cook myself lunch and dinner and do some work for the Optimizer in between episodes. Anyways, this episode is probably one of my favorites so far. (i'm still into the 1st episode of season 2)
And Meredith says....
"I don’t know why we have to put things off. But if I had to guess, I think it has a lot to do with fear – fear of failure, fear of pain, fear of rejection. Sometimes, the fear of just making a decision. Because what if you’re wrong? What if you’re making a mistake you cant undo? Whatever it is we’re afraid of, one thing holds true – that by the time the pain of not doing a thing gets worse than the fear of doing it, it could feel like we’re carrying around a giant tumor. He who hesitates is lost.
We sweep today’s possibility under tomorrow’s rug until we can't anymore; until we finally understand for ourselves, that knowing is better than wondering. That waking is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst, most intractable mistake beats the hell out of never trying."
Tuesday 29 April 2008
So Close - Analyzed
I was lying in bed facedown as I listened to So Close play in my laptop for the umpteenth time. And I wonder how it could be that when I first heard it, I almost brushed it off and now when after seeing the movie, I just couldn't get enough of it.
I could only think of this. That anybody, who has stood so close with the one they love (or falling in love with) and yet be so far in getting their love realized (let alone letting that other know about how you feel!) could really feel for the song.
Just as how Giselle felt as she watched Robert dance with Nancy when only moments ago, it was she who was in his arms.
So Close, yet so far.
Albeit though, what's so addicting with this song is that despite this bittersweet feeling, there's still that budding hope that you'll be so close to reaching that happy end, to realizing that dream, to having his arms around you.
That you'll go so far as you get so close.
I could only think of this. That anybody, who has stood so close with the one they love (or falling in love with) and yet be so far in getting their love realized (let alone letting that other know about how you feel!) could really feel for the song.
Just as how Giselle felt as she watched Robert dance with Nancy when only moments ago, it was she who was in his arms.
So Close, yet so far.
Albeit though, what's so addicting with this song is that despite this bittersweet feeling, there's still that budding hope that you'll be so close to reaching that happy end, to realizing that dream, to having his arms around you.
That you'll go so far as you get so close.
Monday 28 April 2008
Friday 18 April 2008
rantings
Relationships are funny. Falling in love is funny. So funny it could jerk out tears out of them ducts.
Two people could be talking face to face and yet still have some miscommunication. The same two people could be talking of one and the same subject and yet one could have no idea as to what the other is trying to say. Person # 1 could be saying one thing but Person #2 could be hearing another thing depending on what he wants to hear. Person # 1 could be saying one thing and yet feel the opposite of what he's saying. Person # 1 could be saying what he truly means to say but Person # 2 wanted to believe that Person # 1 was just saying the exact opposite of what he feels. Person # 1 may really feel one thing but then just lacks the courage to voice it out or act it out. Person # 1 may just be seeing things differently from how things really are. Person # 1 may have really seen the real thing but is just convincing himself it's not the real deal. Person # 1 may have really seen the real thing but is just so not interested to pry on that real deal. This hurts.
Or. One could look one thing and yet really feel differently. I've been told of this a number of times already...I have an expressive face and yet sometimes what's written on my face is so just not what I feel.
OK, back to rantings.
When do you draw the line of liking someone and loving someone?
Loving someone and letting that someone know about how you feel even though it may be a one-way street, is like standing naked in front of that other person. It's like you're stripping yourself bare and making yourself vulnerable in front of that other person. If only you could choose right. Fall for the right one. One who would understand how you feel.
And, is there any manual and on job training of loving someone? Just so you know what to do and what to say? Just so you know when to sail on? Just so you know how to make him feel loved? Just so you know how NOT to make him feel unloved or worse smothered with your love.
Do you have to give up feeling for someone even though you really haven't confirmed with that person yet how that person feels for you? Well, I guess, it only sums up to two: either you go and stand naked in front of that special person or you can just walk away knowing that you might be giving up something that could really be beautiful...
Two people could be talking face to face and yet still have some miscommunication. The same two people could be talking of one and the same subject and yet one could have no idea as to what the other is trying to say. Person # 1 could be saying one thing but Person #2 could be hearing another thing depending on what he wants to hear. Person # 1 could be saying one thing and yet feel the opposite of what he's saying. Person # 1 could be saying what he truly means to say but Person # 2 wanted to believe that Person # 1 was just saying the exact opposite of what he feels. Person # 1 may really feel one thing but then just lacks the courage to voice it out or act it out. Person # 1 may just be seeing things differently from how things really are. Person # 1 may have really seen the real thing but is just convincing himself it's not the real deal. Person # 1 may have really seen the real thing but is just so not interested to pry on that real deal. This hurts.
Or. One could look one thing and yet really feel differently. I've been told of this a number of times already...I have an expressive face and yet sometimes what's written on my face is so just not what I feel.
OK, back to rantings.
When do you draw the line of liking someone and loving someone?
Loving someone and letting that someone know about how you feel even though it may be a one-way street, is like standing naked in front of that other person. It's like you're stripping yourself bare and making yourself vulnerable in front of that other person. If only you could choose right. Fall for the right one. One who would understand how you feel.
And, is there any manual and on job training of loving someone? Just so you know what to do and what to say? Just so you know when to sail on? Just so you know how to make him feel loved? Just so you know how NOT to make him feel unloved or worse smothered with your love.
Do you have to give up feeling for someone even though you really haven't confirmed with that person yet how that person feels for you? Well, I guess, it only sums up to two: either you go and stand naked in front of that special person or you can just walk away knowing that you might be giving up something that could really be beautiful...
Monday 14 April 2008
twists of fate
Whew! The day's been definitely full of twists and turns; one that's emotion-filled and would leave your head reeling and murky.
As my next forecasted project's schedule is still not fixed, it was decided that I have to go back to Manila for the mean time and be back here in Japan when we need to start the new project. This, if you can imagine, would create a big hassle and much complication for an overseas assignee especially when your hometown is an hour and half plane ride away from your workplace in Manila and that the possible interval between projects could only be one week. Coupled with this crazy arrangement was that my final workload in my current project is one which I find to be always a challenge everytime I get to design it. These made me really apprehensive as to what would be the best course of action. But what's weighing things down really is the fact that I'll be saying goodbye to those which I've grown fond of over the past year...
But fortunately, news travels fast and thanks to friends who helped in my adoption advertisements (^_^), I was transferred to another project which would serve as my transition project. An answered prayer, hopefully. =)
Anyways, today's hubbub ended with a yakitori dinner with Nagano-san, Kitty and Keitaro. My fave "Amo" (level with SL nga pala) advised us that we should take care of those younger than us and try to help mold them into being better Process engineers. Whew, a tall order it is as i've yet to scale a number of "mountains" to be a good Process engineer myself. But I sure do hope that even in my own small way, I could help with the molding..*_*
As my next forecasted project's schedule is still not fixed, it was decided that I have to go back to Manila for the mean time and be back here in Japan when we need to start the new project. This, if you can imagine, would create a big hassle and much complication for an overseas assignee especially when your hometown is an hour and half plane ride away from your workplace in Manila and that the possible interval between projects could only be one week. Coupled with this crazy arrangement was that my final workload in my current project is one which I find to be always a challenge everytime I get to design it. These made me really apprehensive as to what would be the best course of action. But what's weighing things down really is the fact that I'll be saying goodbye to those which I've grown fond of over the past year...
But fortunately, news travels fast and thanks to friends who helped in my adoption advertisements (^_^), I was transferred to another project which would serve as my transition project. An answered prayer, hopefully. =)
Anyways, today's hubbub ended with a yakitori dinner with Nagano-san, Kitty and Keitaro. My fave "Amo" (level with SL nga pala) advised us that we should take care of those younger than us and try to help mold them into being better Process engineers. Whew, a tall order it is as i've yet to scale a number of "mountains" to be a good Process engineer myself. But I sure do hope that even in my own small way, I could help with the molding..*_*
Thursday 10 April 2008
floating
For the first time since January, I was busy with work today. I was trying to hurry and get the P&IDs done so I could send them to our Manila office this evening and go home as early as I can as I haven't been able to start packing yet.
Around 8, I was nearly done with the finishing touches when BA pulled the chair of the desk beside me and told me that he has a big surprise for me.
Our additional unit got cancelled.
It seemed that both competing contractors' schedule proposal didn't fit with the Client's EPC plans so the additional unit would just have to be done FEED-EPC wise in three-months' time when the final contractor has been decided already.
Hence, leaving me a floating engineer for now. I wonder what lies for me come Monday. woohoo quite scary. Will I be going back to Pinas in a few weeks' time?
Oh well, for now though, I just have to enjoy my friends' company on our Kansai Area trip. So looking forward to this one....
Around 8, I was nearly done with the finishing touches when BA pulled the chair of the desk beside me and told me that he has a big surprise for me.
Our additional unit got cancelled.
It seemed that both competing contractors' schedule proposal didn't fit with the Client's EPC plans so the additional unit would just have to be done FEED-EPC wise in three-months' time when the final contractor has been decided already.
Hence, leaving me a floating engineer for now. I wonder what lies for me come Monday. woohoo quite scary. Will I be going back to Pinas in a few weeks' time?
Oh well, for now though, I just have to enjoy my friends' company on our Kansai Area trip. So looking forward to this one....
Tuesday 1 April 2008
on sakura
Much as I tried to wake up early to have a leisurely stroll at sakura-dori in MM21 (and perhaps have a quick bite whilst seated beneath one of them sakura trees), I was only able to go out my flat at 8:40am. But it's not too bad I think since it's a few minutes earlier than usual. Hence, I still had my morning walk at Sakura dori.
Ooooohmmmm!! sakura! i so love them. They feel almost like heaven (for me at least).
Ooooohmmmm!! sakura! i so love them. They feel almost like heaven (for me at least).
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