Friday 30 September 2005

Almost There.....

Got some news later this afternoon that my employment pass' approved already; which meant i'm going home next week!!!Home, to where the heart is - tuna....and shrimp!!hehehe

Gotta cram though...still have lots of stuff to take care off. Gotta finish my workload, else my akp will skin me alive..=)

The Youngest Eldest

A friend back in college told me I'm the only one she knew who acts like she's the youngest when in fact she's the eldest child in the family. And, i must admit, i do act it sometimes (ok, ok most of times). Can't help it though...and so, I just have to deal with it (what else can I do?), especially when i'm in tampo mode...=(

Anyways, the future still looks uncertain as the exact date of my flight to Davao is still not fixed much less my flight to Singapore.

Thursday 29 September 2005

The Weekend That was...

Missed updating this blog...

Anyways, overnight at Mother Hen's was fun. We got to surprise, surprise! Michelle a bit, though i believe she'd like to have a different kind of gift..hehe..joke!I wonder though what her wish was, when she blew her birthday candle..uhmm..could it be, a Winter Sonata of her own or a Min Hyuk for herself????or could it be not just the look-alike but the real one himself???..hehe.Whatever your wish was, I pray and wish too that it be granted. And wherever your dreams may lead you friend, I will always be here and there(?) rooting for you...=)

The past few days though have not been too well for me as i got sick somewhat. Half of it may be psychological i think but the other half's really tangible (thanks to that corned beef)..hahahaha..am glad though i feel better now.

My medical tests got cleared already as were my immigration clearances. Which means, there'll be only two hurdles left - the approval of my working visa and another medical at singapore..quite testy really, this medical thingy...hehehe...

uhm...what else, what else???oh!!Sandara (Angel as she'll be called from now on), made me a testi in friendster..I pleaded for her to revise some of it though (what audacity i have, yes....) as some of it are much too revealing..hehehe..but thank you, Angel for it..im touched with what you said...=D

And oh!Welcome home Yhale from the Land of the Rising Sun....and she brought with her bubbly-bobbing-Barvin (actually, it's name's Marvin but i'd like to have it's description in all Bs..hehehe)...Now, i'm just gonna look at it every morning when i wake up so i wouldn't be as grouchy as i have always been in the mornings...

Friday 23 September 2005

A Good Hearty Laugh

'Twas really fulfilling yesterday as we were able to submit our output which we've been doing for the last 6 months!!!whew!time really flies so fast as i still am amazed it's been 6 months already..this month though has been the worst...imagine, my OT hours is just equal to my regular hours!!!now, you can just imagine that my social life really sufferred...err, what social life in the first place?=)

Anyways, to celebrate our milestone, my team and i went to dinner at Dampa last night and had our fill of seafoods. I've had more than my fill however as i feel really hot and weak when i got home and even up to now, i still am feverish and weak...Now, could i really have "high blood"?

I woke up earlier than usual as i was really feeling uncomfortable and planned on not going to the office. But the thought that i have lots to finish and that i'd still be teaching the cadets prompted me to go to work. And im glad i did cause then i had a good hearty laugh with their bunch...A good decision, after all..=)

Thursday 22 September 2005

anticipations...

i was panicky yesterday as i was just advised that i'd be leaving the country in less than two weeks!!
to think i still havent attended to fixing my papers - which means the only time i can go and take a vacation to davao will be on the weekend as i still am not done with my workload at the office...
later in the night however, my boss advised me my flight can be delayed and that i can take a two-week vacation leave!!
wow!!
can't wait to eat fresh fruits again..and the bariles (tuna)..and the shrimp...and the sleep...and the massage...and the beach......and the mass at Ateneo (i wonder if my ex-crush is still there..hehehe)...
ahhh..bliss...=)

Anyways, there's still the matter though of talking with my boss if i can get back here sometime around February..My bestfriend in college would be having her wedding that month (my dream wedding month, though i'm fast believing it'll remain only a dream). She's taken me to be her Maid of Honor though she has a sister..Now, there's a predicament...I wish i wish i can go back home by that time.....

The Pilgrim's Theme

Back in college, this song has always been featured during retreats.
It was never among my favorite church songs...
Since listening to it again last saturday however, I just cant get it out of my system....

The Pilgrim's Theme

Tired of weaving dreams too loose for me to wear
Tired of watching clouds repeat their dance on air
Tired of getting tired of doing what's required
Is life a mere routine in the greater scheme of things
Through with taking roads someone else designed
Through with chasing stars that soon forget to shine
Through with going through one more day - what's new
Does my life still mean a thing in the greater scheme of things

REFRAIN 1:
I think I'll follow the voice that calls within
Dance to the silent song it sings
I hope to find my place
So my life can fall in place
I know in time I'll find my place
In the greater scheme of things

Each must go his way, but how can I decide
Which path I should take, who will be my guide
I need some kind of star to lead me somewhere far
To find a higher dream in the greater scheme of things
The road before me bends, I don't know what I'll find
Will I meet a friend or ghosts I left behind
Should I even be surprised that You're with me in disguise
For it's Your hand I have seen in the greater scheme of things

(REFRAIN 1)

BRIDGE:
For Yours is the voice in my deepest dreams
You are the heart, the very heart
Of the greater scheme of things

(REFRAIN 1)

REFRAIN 2:
Why don't we follow the voice that calls within
Dance to the silent song it sings
One day we'll find our place
For all things fall in place
For all things have a place
In the greater scheme of things
-----------------

A beautiful song, ne?
=)

Monday 19 September 2005

A Blessed Weekend....

Ahhh blessed water...
I still think it was a miracle - having abundant water supply the whole day through...so then, i got to finish cleaning our bathroom (wow, it just feels sooo good taking a bath in a clean bathroom)..which got me to thinking yet again why i've got hangups on cleaning bathrooms...And, i also got to do my laundry!
Loved the day's activities though as i got time to think and had some exercise which i badly needed (i'm such a lousy bit when it comes to doing exercise). Gotta sweat out the toxins inside...Part of my preparation for this monday's medical for singapore....

And ahhh..blessed sleep..
Whole sunday was spent on sleeping and i wouldnt trade it for anything else (even with an interesting book i'm reading now). It's part of pampering myself....(and oh yeah, we dont have water supply again).

Still feel slightly feverish though...
Anyways, should something go wrong with my medical and psych test, i will just try to think of it as part of The Plan for me...but i do pray it wont go awry as i am looking forward to the choir in Singapore that Riow had been talking about. Listening still to Bukas Palad, i wish i could get to join that choir (albeit Riow told me the members are already oldies..hehe)

Sunday 18 September 2005

The Alchemist

It was in this book when i first read that when you want something so much, the whole world would conspire with you...

And, looks like the world really did conspire with me. For two weeks now, we've been having problems with our water supply but miraculously, we have abundant water supply today!!

So, i got to wash my very long overdue laundry, and would get to clean our bathroom - the most place that i've been itching to clean....i only had preliminary bathroom-cleaning and laundry-washing though as i have to go out for lunch....and i soooo hope there's still plenty of water when i get back to our apartment....

Got to get ready for my psych exam on monday though.......

Thursday 15 September 2005

The Road Not Taken

Havent really gotten around to reading that book but ive always wondered what it says about dealing with the decisions you've made and making the most out of the situation though part of you is thinking you might have taken the wrong fork...

I wish making decisions were more simple...

Wednesday 14 September 2005

Angels and Time bombs

It's just been two weeks since starting in her new work and a friend had already hooked strings of men (she just told me one, though i'm inclined to think there's more than one). Calling her an angel..and she is one, mind you. I really wouldnt disagree with those guys as an angel is what actually comes to your mind first when you see her. Anyways, good luck friend, in evading them...hehehe..

Anyways still, I feel now like i'm a walking time bomb. Like any minute now i'm gonna explode. It's just one of life's irony i think that when you're concerned about one aspect in your life, other stuff seems to surface also that needs your attention. Two of my friends were just diagnosed as needing "further counselling" in their psych exams for overseas assignment. Now i wonder if i will not be for "confinement" should my turn come...Oh i hope not..
Albeit, right now, i'll just hold on to that Invisible Hand whom I have always held on to specially in the most turbulent of times....

Tuesday 13 September 2005

Didache

It always strikes me as creepy the way Didache hits me on certain days.
Like you were having this certain feeling and then wham! Didache's topic for the day was just that feeling.
Must be The Potter's way of honing me...=)

Still hasnt met our deadline..sniff..
I was even trying to block from my mind the word "getting sick" as i think i'm on the verge of being one. Just a few more days, and i'll take a rest for a day and then carry on again with the race. Well actually i do hope i can take a rest for a day...

And i'll always keep to mind Didache's reading...will try...=)

Monday 12 September 2005

Horse whips..

I feel now like im getting flayed; like a horse getting whipped at the back for it to go faster...
Feel also like a snail crawling home, ever sooooo slowly...
But soon, soon, all this will be finished...

Anyways, i got to read some stuff i wrote earlier this year.
It gave me goosebumps though and the urge to go look for a time machine if there ever was one.
Now, i'm starting to think that ESP/strong intuition's really one of my gifts...

Sunday 11 September 2005

Simple joys

...having another 0.07% in our progress sheet...
...checking a quality output...
...having a teammate who doesnt like to work overtime do work overtime to help you out in meeting the deadline...
...surviving a whole afternoon without having your blood pressure sky rocket...
...surviving the whole afternoon just concentrating on your work and nothing else (a difficult feat yes)...
...getting invited to perform on concerts (though this would have been big [i dont know the alternate term] if i wouldnt have to pay for the participation fees)...
...being able to stamp your feet...
...getting to be hugged even if it's just through an email...

now on big (could someone help me out with the term?hehe) joys...
...finding unexpected love notes from friends in unexpected places (though this also usually bring tears)...
...receiving snail mails and cards...
...reading mails from friends...
...hearing from a friend whom you havent heard from in ages...
...and lots and lots and lots more.....

Tuesday 6 September 2005

Farewells, Fantasies and Footloose

Yet again, I bid another friend goodbye, yesterday.
She's bound for Oman...
For us women, it's some kind of "unchartered" territory and so I really admire Sandara's courage and determination.
You're one hell of a good engineer Sandara, and wherever your dream may lead you, I say kudos to you even as early as now...=)

Anyways, after sending off Sandara, I went to Ortigas to meet my friends Dexy and Keitaro for the Footloose play. Dexy still has to come from Alabang, so Keitaro and I waited at MiniStop for her. After some time, we went to Edsa Shrine to visit the church as we may not be able to attend mass that Sunday (which reminded me that I havent been to Mass for 3 weeks in a row now). Inside the church, I felt that sense of peace and calm I only feel in certain churches. With Edsa Shrine, I felt what I have always felt at Ateneo Chapel back home...I felt like I was home...The aisle is too short for my wedding though..hahaha...Inside the church, I was also reminded of my 5 year-long dream of joining the Bukas Palad choir. A dream that may remain only a dream as the group is really good and Edsa so sooo far from my dormitory..sniff..a fantasy, it would remain...

Having had no expectations in the first place, I enjoyed Footloose. "I Need a Hero" was good, especially the punch line "I need a man". Scenes with the parents, especially Agot's, was touching and I rrreally, rrreally like "Almost Paradise". I may have to sing "I need a hero" first before I can get to sing "Almost Paradise"...hahaha

Anyways, looking at the actors on the stage singing and dancing, I was once again reminded of yet again another "long-time" dream of being on the stage as "Kim" of Miss Saigon..Another fantasy yes..hehe..But on second thoughts, I'd like to be "Ellen" as "Chris" chose to stay with her...

We strolled around the mall after that, trying to look for some outfit for Dexy. I ended up falling in love with a couple of dresses though while not one dress attracted her. As I said, I'll end up dirt poor buying all the dresses I want if ever I accompany Dexy in her shopping spree. I just might have to give up being Dexy's couturier.=P

Sunday 4 September 2005

Inside the mind of a Psycho(?)

Sometimes when im on the threshold of waking consciousness and slumber, I have these images in my mind (i dont know if i can really categorize it as a dream as I always have the feeling that im still half-conscious) that I really cant shake off nor that I have control of.

These images usually have two themes.

First is the set of images of warring colors. A kaleidoscope sometimes or shades of white and black at times (yes there are, in my mind's eye). These images strike me as like the battling of good and evil. I dont know if these are reflections of my behaviors and thoughts for the day or premonitions for the following day but it somehow always comforts me when the last color that flashed before me is white or any color of light shade.

The second set of images is somewhat a combination of some sorts. It starts out with the flashing of different shapes before me - square, circle, free shape, triangle, octagon and the like. Then it transforms into something like war for attention of giants and dwarfs. Here, I see people (though i cant remember later on who flashed before me). One would flash as a humongous giant and another would be a diminutive elf. Now these images strike me as something like, who has more power or control over who; who was shamed into puniness or who was exalted to greatness and into gigantic proportions.

It's been weeks now since i've had any of those images.

Right now though, I feel like im the smallest Lilliputian there ever lived.....

Saturday 3 September 2005

All Stressed Out

I'm surprising even myself, in saying this, but I was really having fun with my work at the start of the day. Though it's keeping me from finishing my work, i find the queries of my teammates as a much welcome break and i treat it as a challenge as to how far can i push myself.

And i realized later in the afternoon that it was not that far.

i was all stressed out at 5 already that i dont even have the energy to socialize in our company anniversary party. i just want to be out of the office and want to keep the mounting P&ID out of my sight...

This made me think if i am what you can call an escapist...
Seems like i always run away when i'm pressured like this.
But then again I always justify that I can't think when i'm saturated like this. So whenever i feel like the pressure is squeezing me into a tiny pulp, I just get up right away, leave my desk cluttered as it is and leave like i have no responsibilities to think of.

Gotta take a breather...gotta have some fresh air...gotta have some unwinding...

I think an Aegis song would help me unwind...hahahahaha.......

Friday 2 September 2005

Extremes of some sort

I was just taking a break from the drawings i was working on when my glance fell on the doll Paige gave me during her first visit to Japan (it was sooo cute i kept it displayed on my desk). I then noticed there was a green writing on it which i was sure i didnt put there.
What it was, was Paige's note to the doll telling it to take care of her friend...
And there was no stopping the tears from there..hehe..yeah, melodramatic i know but you just cant stop the tears and memories as they all come gushing out...

Wherever you are friend, take care too..=D

Anyways, after an hour or so of serious work (with headphones on) i noticed something sounded very odd in the office. It was like somebody was in deep, agonizing pain and was moaning. Or like something was ravenously hungry and was howling, ready to kill for food...bad me..hehe..it was my officemate..an-extremely-intelligent-but-rarely-to-talk-to dude...my friends and i were having a hard time not laughing out loud...felt like i could die laughing....

Now that's weird as i got to experience a lot of emotions tonight..from deep sadness to mirth..
o yeah, i also got sky-high irritated tonight so there's another emotion on the list..=)

Thursday 1 September 2005

Understatement

That was the word I was looking for in yesterday's blog..hehe..

Anyways, my batchmate sent me the writeup below.
Makes me wonder if I'll EVER meet a man who'll love me like that.
But then again, when you want something, you can always start at yourself.
You can strive to be the right girl for a right guy (i say right and not perfect...and i say right girl, not a martyr...hehe...plus the right guy and not some loser with no backbone [much like kevin in attic cat, although in fairness, he's starting to show some decisiveness na..] )

-------------

Love Is Stronger . . .
By John Wayne Schlatter

Having a goal based on love is the greatest life insurance in the world.
If you had asked my dad why he got up in the morning, you would have found his answer disarmingly simple: "To make my wife happy."

Mom and Dad met when they were nine. Every day before school, they met on a park bench with their homework. Mom corrected Dad's English and he did the same with her math. Upon graduation, their teachers said that the two of them were the best "student" in the school. Note the singular!

They took their time building their relationship, even though Dad always knew she was the girl for him. Their first kiss occurred when they were 17, and their romance continued to grow into their 80s.

Just how much power their relationship created was brought to light in 1964. The doctor told Dad he had cancer and estimated that he had six months to one year left at the most.
"Sorry to disagree with you, Doc," my father said. "But I'll tell you how long I have. One day longer than my wife. I love her too much to leave the planet without her."

And so it was, to the amazement of everyone who didn't really know this love-matched pair, that Mom passed away at the age of 85 and Dad followed one year later when he was 86. Near the end, he told my brothers and me that those 17 years were the best six months he ever spent.

To the wonderful doctors and nurses at the Department of Veterans' Affairs Medical Center at Long Beach, he was a walking miracle. They kept a loving watch on him and just couldn't understand how a body so riddled with cancer could continue to function so well.
My dad's explanation was simple. He informed them that he had been a medic in World War I and saw amputated arms and legs, and he had noticed that none of them could think. So he decided he would tell his body how to behave. Once, as he stood up and it was evident he felt a stabbing pain, he looked down at his chest and shouted, "Shut up! We're having a party here."
Two days before he left us he said, "Boys, I'll be with your mother very soon and someday, some place we'll all be together again. But take your time about joining us; your mother and I have a lot of catching up to do."

It is said that love is stronger than prison walls. Dad proved it was a heck of a lot stronger than tiny cancer cells.

Bob, George and I are still here, armed with Dad's final gift.

A goal, a love and a dream give you total control
over your body and your life.