Rainy days and Junes

I hate Junes.

It always is rainy in June; be it in the Philippines, Singapore or Japan. And somehow, the drizzle outside gets its way inside; the gloom inside, a reflection of the outside....or is it the other way around?

The skies last week were lovely in that I keep on looking outside and kept on blabbering what a romantic and happy sky it was. And yes, somehow, those skies were reflections of what were inside.

But this week, or at least late this week, 'tis somewhat different....

By the minute, it was getting darker outside as it was on the inside. No, it seemed that outside was a brighter mirror image compared to the inside. And to point the comparison out loud in a trying-to-be-happy-but-definitely-sad-voice just to ease the tension did not help in keeping my emotions in tight rein (hidoi yo...). Rather, it added to the burning in my eyes. Good thing I can still turn away to hide. But alas, I think I was not able to hide.

Later, somehow, everybody seems nicer. Everybody seemed bouyant. A bouyancy that is so fake it makes you want to cry some more. And you can see that on everybody's eyes is some shadow that everybody tries to quell and shut in tight.

I hate Junes. ........

I know though that I should just think of the positive things that this outset has created....
...and think that on a June, I was conceived. Now, with that in my mind, I-should-love-Junes.

It still is dark outside. But at least now, I could see colors in it... hinting of a sunshiny tomorrow....

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This bleak tidings per se is a shock in itself. But it was truly a twofold shock for me. I feel like i've been doused with a bucketful of cold freezing water... with my skin all bumpy. Cause how come just when I thought of something inconceivable last night, that very inconceivable thing is in our midst today.... leaving some part of me thinking that had I only not thought about it, there might be some chance that we wouldnt have this. A friend said that if my mindpower is that strong, then I should work on thinking that everything will work out right and that it is for the best.

Oh how I truly hope and pray that it be so....