Deadly Apathy

Last night, Paige and I went staright to SM southmall right after office (where else can we go) for dinner. Traffic again was sluggish like it had been for a few days now. Earlier on, we agreed to eat in Binalot and afterwhich indulge in ice cream (gotta have something colder than the coldness of depression that's eating us raw).
Upon reaching SM's basement floor, Paige suggested we first take a look at ******* Bento (a Japanese express resto which serves food done also by a famous japanese restaurant in the area) before we order at Binalot.
The aroma of Jap food wafted to our nostrils and I was really surprised coz it smelled soooo japanese (honestly, japanese food served here in our country are such poor imitation of real jap food sold in Nihon).
Anyways, the smell made me nostalgic and somewhat homesick in that I convinced Paige we eat there instead of at Binalot.
So off we ate at this bento resto and ordered katsudon and strawberry iced tea (which by the way, tasted like cheap strawberry juice and such a far cry from the strawberry tea I had in Verry Strawberry, Tokyu Hands). In fairness, their katsudon tastes good 'though I like katsudon in #### (located in ATC foodcourt) more 'cause there, katsudon comes with miso soup which I always sip straight from the bowl like the japanese do (care ko if that's a no no in Filipino culture).
After dinner, we bought ice creams and licked our cones in SM foodcourt. While I was so-happily licking my cold delight, I happen to glance at my side and sure enough a young guy was staring at me. He was mumbling something to me and he looked like either he was near tears or had been crying for sometime already. From what I gather with his mumblings, he seemed to be asking for money.I looked away then and continued to lick my ice cream while covertly relaying to Paige the young man's plea.
With so many deceivers, swindlers and delinquents nowadays, it makes one be wary of people asking for money. We tried to avoid the young guy's gaze and secretly disputed within ourselves if we shall give in and give him some bucks.
Inwardly, I was disputing if this boy's just deceiving us. He doesn't look like a beggar mind you; neither does he look like some rascal who's ready to plunge a knife at you if it fancies him. No. He looked like a child who's lost in his way and is at a loss what to do.
I sneaked another glance at him and he was already facing the other way where he was begging his way to a father out to dinner with his family. But the older man brusquely waved his hand at him as if shooing the poor boy out.
Daunted, the young man then stood up and walked away with bowed head. It really pricked my heart as I watched him retreating.
And Paige was moved as much....
Sin of omission. That was it. Really sad how lack of trust could lead people to apathy.
Paige and i glumly finished our ice cream. Deep within us, we know we'll have one troubled night; much worse a troubled sleep. We just perked up a bit when we decided to look for the young man.
And so you can just imagine how glad we were when we saw him sitting on a bench in front of watson's.
Still with that same look - lost and at a loss.
We approached him and asked him what was his dilemma. It turned out he's from Bacoor, Cavite and his companion already left him and went ahead to Bacoor; him left behind and penniless.
All he was just asking was a 20-peso fare back home....
Later, when Paige and I were walking home, we shuddered at the thought of not seeing him again and him wandering the streets at night and wondering how he'll be able to get home.
Heart wrenching isnt it?
Gives me the creeps how apathy can destroy someone's life.......

of miss saigon and my hydraulics.......

so late already..and here i am still, staring at this wretched compressor that won't converge for heavens know what reason...
feel like my head has reached yet again it's saturation point...
but, still can't help but be enraptured with miss saigon that has been repeatedly played over and over in my pc..
such sorry fate for one who has loved so much..but i envy her for being such a fighter and such a hopeful..
months ago, that has been my mantra--
"I still..
I still believe,
you will return
I know you
will my heart
against all odds
holds still..."
but now..nah...just doesnt apply anymore and should not apply anymore much as i would like to....

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above should have been my entry last night. but i was soooo saturated
i cant even organize my thoughts..
anyways, this morning started perfect since i found my compressor now running!
yet still now, it's late again and miss saigon's playing again on my pc...

i feel ssoooo much with this play in that i soooo hope i could get to see this on Broadway...or even get to sing this myself on stage...

hahahha.."dreams are my reality.."
familiar song aint it?

barbapapa

they're all getting agog on barbapapa...
yet im going gaga on trying to get over it...

In Denial

When in denial, it is when you are fully aware of the immensity of a certain reality that keeps rubbing on you...
In denying comes the acknowledgement of the very presence of this inescapable reality - a reality that could wreak imbalance into your equilibrium...
How I would like to remain ensconced in my apathetic cocoon...to not submit to this state of denial.
But then only when I boldly shed this ugly scales would I come to know that this looming reality is not as scary as I thought it would be.
Take courage, take flight, flap those still-unsteady-yet-beautiful wings and leave behind those ugly scales - the cowardness of denial...

The Search

Red-faced from crouching under the table, I stared helplessly at my friends. Their expressions ranged from exasperation to sympathetic mirth. From their faces I could see that my search for the screw of my earrings was futile; good thing, they were sensitive enough not to point this out. But even of they did, I still would continue to search for the screw, futile and embarrassing it may be. I was mindless of the people inside the restaurant who were already looking at me and were curious as to the reason of the racket I was causing. All I had in mind was to find that screw.
After a long time of searching, I was about to give up and started consoling myself. Huff, let bygones be bygones. Trying to shake off my determined yet almost useless pursuit, I took a glance behind just for the last time. And sure enough, there it was!! Ecstasy couldn’t describe the feeling I had when I held the screw of my earrings in my hand.
Reflective as I was, I thought that perhaps my recent experience with the lost screw could somehow be applicable to my long-time pursuit with duh! - Love. That if I could just be a little more patient in my long-time search for that illusive love, perhaps I might be successful in finding it…
My friend told me that perhaps I was so determined in my search for the screw because I know that the screw was right there all along, waiting for me to find it. Perhaps, my faith that duh love really exists subconsciously fuels my efforts to go, look, find and wait for that love to happen to me. And though it’s just within my grasp, I just can’t seem to get my hands on it because I was looking at the wrong places….
Frankly, all the years of inaction from that illusive Cupid’s arrows (that works on both parties mind you) and years of loving on a one-way street somehow made me skeptic and doubtful that “it” could happen to me.
Somehow, I’ve learned how to cherish the peace and happiness I feel with being single and I do mean this without any hint of sourgraping on the sides. Just sheer, blissful peace………
But, oh! I just can’t lie to myself lie as I might to others…I just want someone to rock my world! Call him my melody and my home. Although, right this very moment it’s total duh for me (can’t even imagine myself to be just one inch close with someone), I cant seem to help myself but long to also experience what happy couples have.
I remembered the scene back home last Christmas when my youngest brother, joined Mama and Papa’s hands together and looked, smiled at them. It was like my brother was officiating my parents’ second wedding and giving them their blessing. Even only looking at my parents lying on each others’ lap and them doing things together refuels my determination and yet launch myself to another quest and probably a long time of waiting.
Yes, it probably will be a long wait and that I know, that life I so longed for is not a bed of roses but, it’s a life a want and I want it to be like a heaven on earth.