Extremes of some sort

I was just taking a break from the drawings i was working on when my glance fell on the doll Paige gave me during her first visit to Japan (it was sooo cute i kept it displayed on my desk). I then noticed there was a green writing on it which i was sure i didnt put there.
What it was, was Paige's note to the doll telling it to take care of her friend...
And there was no stopping the tears from there..hehe..yeah, melodramatic i know but you just cant stop the tears and memories as they all come gushing out...

Wherever you are friend, take care too..=D

Anyways, after an hour or so of serious work (with headphones on) i noticed something sounded very odd in the office. It was like somebody was in deep, agonizing pain and was moaning. Or like something was ravenously hungry and was howling, ready to kill for food...bad me..hehe..it was my officemate..an-extremely-intelligent-but-rarely-to-talk-to dude...my friends and i were having a hard time not laughing out loud...felt like i could die laughing....

Now that's weird as i got to experience a lot of emotions tonight..from deep sadness to mirth..
o yeah, i also got sky-high irritated tonight so there's another emotion on the list..=)

Understatement

That was the word I was looking for in yesterday's blog..hehe..

Anyways, my batchmate sent me the writeup below.
Makes me wonder if I'll EVER meet a man who'll love me like that.
But then again, when you want something, you can always start at yourself.
You can strive to be the right girl for a right guy (i say right and not perfect...and i say right girl, not a martyr...hehe...plus the right guy and not some loser with no backbone [much like kevin in attic cat, although in fairness, he's starting to show some decisiveness na..] )

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Love Is Stronger . . .
By John Wayne Schlatter

Having a goal based on love is the greatest life insurance in the world.
If you had asked my dad why he got up in the morning, you would have found his answer disarmingly simple: "To make my wife happy."

Mom and Dad met when they were nine. Every day before school, they met on a park bench with their homework. Mom corrected Dad's English and he did the same with her math. Upon graduation, their teachers said that the two of them were the best "student" in the school. Note the singular!

They took their time building their relationship, even though Dad always knew she was the girl for him. Their first kiss occurred when they were 17, and their romance continued to grow into their 80s.

Just how much power their relationship created was brought to light in 1964. The doctor told Dad he had cancer and estimated that he had six months to one year left at the most.
"Sorry to disagree with you, Doc," my father said. "But I'll tell you how long I have. One day longer than my wife. I love her too much to leave the planet without her."

And so it was, to the amazement of everyone who didn't really know this love-matched pair, that Mom passed away at the age of 85 and Dad followed one year later when he was 86. Near the end, he told my brothers and me that those 17 years were the best six months he ever spent.

To the wonderful doctors and nurses at the Department of Veterans' Affairs Medical Center at Long Beach, he was a walking miracle. They kept a loving watch on him and just couldn't understand how a body so riddled with cancer could continue to function so well.
My dad's explanation was simple. He informed them that he had been a medic in World War I and saw amputated arms and legs, and he had noticed that none of them could think. So he decided he would tell his body how to behave. Once, as he stood up and it was evident he felt a stabbing pain, he looked down at his chest and shouted, "Shut up! We're having a party here."
Two days before he left us he said, "Boys, I'll be with your mother very soon and someday, some place we'll all be together again. But take your time about joining us; your mother and I have a lot of catching up to do."

It is said that love is stronger than prison walls. Dad proved it was a heck of a lot stronger than tiny cancer cells.

Bob, George and I are still here, armed with Dad's final gift.

A goal, a love and a dream give you total control
over your body and your life.

Multi-tasking

With the load and burden i'm in now, the word seemed like an underestimation (?...been racking my brain for the right word but i couldnt come up with one)

It's like you have to think of everything and have time to do everything.
Though i'm relieved the pressure of my voice lessons is off me, still part of me misses the diversion and the one-of-a-kind-and-altogether-different challenge i have to conquer when i'm up the stage.

Recitals went well i suppose and i'm happy coz my friends liked my performance and the rest of the show. I missed the kids though (now i really wonder when i'm going to have one of my own or IF i'm ever going to have one..hahahaha).

oh yeah, it turned out my ex crush had another appointment so he didnt show up in my recital. Too bad he didnt see me give my best..ehehhehe..

Today, Paige flew to US.................
Bye dear friend, God speed and let's just keep on praying we'll meet again..there..=D

words that struck me.....

Fate and free will often intersect. Where you go from there is up to you.

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I feel the rain tap on my head,
Could it be your tears? Do you need a friend?
I dont know how far, and I dont know how long,
All I know is that He's faithful.
Such a love, it burns deep inside
I know that you'll be worth all the tears that I have cried.
-When God Writes Your Love Story

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The sweetest things in this world today have come to us through tears and pain.
-When God Writes Your Love Story


On second thoughts, above seems so hopeful right?

hugs and kisses

Today's my last session in my Voice and Stage Lessons.

Tomorrow's gonna be my recital and so we had our general rehearsals earlier today.
When i arrived in the center and entered the "performance hall", warm greetings and hugs and kisses welcomed me as the kids gathered around me (and to think they were doing vocalizations then). It's so heartwarming, knowing they liked me. I would miss those kids, especially hannah, jamilla, and chester...Which made me think I really am better around kids than with teenagers..=)

Chester gave me a drawing after a fellow recitalist and i sang our number and i think i'm gonna keep it with me for a long time...i so remember the drawings, letters, and cards my younger brothers gave me all these years...

Oh yeah, i remember, the other night, my brother (the one next to me), said "i love you" to me. Now, that's worth blogging as that was the first time he said it in all our lives!!!haha...
He must have felt the confusion i'm in now......

new kid on the block

im quite excited with my recital although thinking about my song gives me the creeps...it's sooo high i have to use a head tone...

plus, a friend just texted saying she'll try to bring along her friend who's been my ex-crush...
now, im really nervous with the thought..
i feel like a high school girl walking past the campus heartthrob. So giddy, yet so so nervous...

well, at least there's a relief from my current quicksand....

Lost..........

It's just soooooo ironic.

The Golden rule took a flip and what i did was a reverse of what should be. I never intend to though...=(
Anyways, what someone did to me I unconsciously did to another. And to a true loyal friend at that.
To think that just last night someone just broke a promise to me (that friend might have done it unconsciously though), this afternoon, I broke a pact myself...

Now, if one could only decide on something that could hurt not one person yet at the same time would not sacrifice his own happiness nor ignore the proddings of the people whose opinion he'd trusted for most of his life...

Frankly though, Im not sure where I would be happy....

In decision making, I've always tried to go for where my heart lies. But for now, it seems that my heart would like to go to many places at the same time.

I am practically torn. Lost. Confused.

This afternoon, though I'd like to spend more time with a dear friend, we had to cut it short as I still have my rehearsals for this sunday's recital and she still has to work. During rehearsals, though i can really call it a success (and frankly i'm surprised myself as I've just traveled and was really harassed, not to mention "tuliro") as my coaches and classmates (and their parents) liked it, I cant help but feel really sad and bad because at the back of my mind, I cant help but think that some people that matter to me might be hurt with what decision I might have.

And for now, I still dont know what it is.....

More Gales...

I may have to get used to gales for now. Seems like it's the season for this.

This morning had been liked another whirlwind. Plus, had to do some acting job...

An unexpected expected reward came, a blessing this is yes, though this only made things more complicated and harder to let go.

And I'm sooooo happy coz Malou gave me a Love Ball!!! - a much-asked gift for some time now..hehe..
Tested it already with a friend and for those "for the moment questions" it seems that it's telling the truth (am trying to convince myself yeah)...
I wonder though if the question I asked for September will come true........=)

A confused kid, I am now.....

And as for controversies...please people, leave me alone...

Gales.........

And a whirlwind it was....

So much have happened the past few days it was hard to keep tab on all of them...

Did much internal cartwheels and mental yogas;
Did quite an acting in a concert where I had a hard time fitting in (I prefer kids over teenagers);
Had lots of fun with the comedy "bar" of our own;
A tidal wave that swept me off my feet;
Imminent envoi.......

rehearsals and stuff

Last night had been pretty eventful.

I have to leave the office early (and this time reluctantly, imagine?!) for rehearsals for this friday's concert and a meeting for my finals come end of the month.

They want me to sing another Whitney Houston song...they say her songs suit me best but then i want to sing the voice within...right now, i feel like a child with a tantrum who refused to go walking any further and just sat on the floor with her legs again on a froglike position. I want "the voice within", i want "the voice within", i want "the voice within".........
i still have a chance of convincing them though since they havent heard me sing this yet. All i have to do is to practice it a lot so they'll give a go signal na that i can sing the voice within in my recital...But I have this sinking feeling my voice is really not suited to the song...=(

Afterwards was practice for "Long Playing"....hmmmmmmm...it rrrrrreally feels good to dance and feel the rythmn of the music get to you...Still have a problem though getting along with the teenagers. It's like my social skills are put to test. Or perhaps, I really am getting old..=(
But if that's the case, why do I get along very well with little kids?hmmm...

Afterwards still was like a whirlwind...=)
Wonder where it will take me?.......

Toxic

Head swimming...
Heightened hearing sense...
Slang speech...

Still am intoxicated after last night's booze session with my housemates.
Temporary madness, brief numbness.

It would be better though if one can just purge out in an instant the toxins inside you.

Anyways, drunk as i am, i still was not able to do my cartwheel....

and they say im summa cum laude......hehehe

fow now, ive decided to make this blog for future reference of memorable and momentous events...........

praticum hubbub

Today had been such a hectic day...

Practicum's to be at makati and i am yet to buy my attire and accessories (sm southmall opens at 10). In an hour's rush, i got to buy what i needed and so off i go to makati to meet a friend who knows the bar where we were supposed to have our practicum. By the time I got to her house, i'm about to drop with hunger and my aching feet was killing me. As i was already late (we need to be at the bar by 12 yet i was still not dressed around 1), I have to eat, dress and apply make-up (what little i know) all in 30 min's time.

My friend's house was just walking distance to the bar and so i have no choice but to walk, though i was REALLY self-conscious with my attire (it was simple for some people i guess..but being the certified manang i am, it's a bit sexier than what should be).

My friend and I got lost for like 15 min i think..hehe..we made the wrong turn...and so what little poise i had left, evaporated as my aching feet was consuming my consciousness and the stiffling heat was suffocating.

Anyways, my friend and I reached the bar after some time and she left me to fetch our other friends who'll be watching me perform also. While waiting for them, I got homesick and felt so alone...Every other practicumer have their parents, family and friends with them and yet I sat at the corner, alone....

Anyways, supposedly, our group was to be at the second half of the program but due to technical errors with the other group (the outher group is another branch of the center i enrolled in). we were made to present first. This got me really panicky as my friends havent arrived yet and there's no one to whom I can leave my bag and stuff with. Worse, there's no one to support and watch me perform, much less take pictures of me. Being emotional as i am, i was near tears already. At the back of my mind, I was afraid that tears may fall while im singing my fast/danceable song. Anyways, my friends just got in time. No sooner were they able to sit when the DJ played my song.

Dancing while singing is still a difficult feat for me but the dancing really helped a lot in concealing my shaking hands (the worst shaking i've had during performance so far..hehe). My second song was easier because it is a slow one and it's easy to put emotions on it as i can relate to it....hehe..I was just afraid though that i may not be able to reach the high tones as my throat was already very dry.

All in all, my friends (and i think the rest of the audience too) liked my performance so I'm really happy...

To God be the glory...=)

PS
A friend texted me and asked how was my practicum. I told her it was pretty okay i think and that the crowd "loved" my "common baby" part. She said the stage can really transform you in to something else... And she's right. On stage, your courage, your talent, your presence of mind, and your quick thinking among other things is put to test and it is a challenge for you to put all your faculties to work and perform their best. Just one performance is a wholistic transformation in itself......

S Diary (Memories that are nothing yet mean everything)

A friend lent me this korean film and i must admit I was really hesitant in watching it. Afraid of the lessons I might find. Anyways, curiosity got the better of me so I ended up watching it (I have to stop watching it midway though because I still have to watch Sugo and Attic Cat..jologs i know..hehe).

It was about a girl who have had 4 boyfriends and on her 4th breakup, her ex told her to go back to her past loves and ask them if they really loved her. Her past love stories were flashedback and though there were also many "kilig moments" (i liked her 3rd bf the most), still they ended up nastily. When she returned to her exes though and asked them if they've loved her, it turned out they didnt (i think mostly because these dudes have moved on already while she had not). Angered, she thought of revenge for her exes and made them pay for all the troubles they've caused and the expenses she'd incurred while with them. When they refused to pay, she thought of funny yet creative means of revenge to get what she wanted. She ended up having the money...but ended up lonely...

Anyways, in the end was self-realization..She found the one person she had been looking for...herself...

"The memories i thought I would loose, held me close"...

In the end still, was acceptance that everything is over and she somehow got over the guys on her own without someone else coming along..really good...and yeah, she got to publish a book (a bestseller i think) and she sent each of her exes a copy....hmmmm....

But what came as a bonus was that towards the end of the movie, there were scenes of her exes that showed what length they went through to show to her they love her (though this is without the girl knowing it)....Nothing much..It's just that at least at some point in time, she was loved....

Farewells and Anticipations

I planned to wake up earlier than usual today to practice for my saturday class since I wasnt able to practice my piece for the past week. The thought however that Paige will be moving out today made me want to spend the rest of the morning with her. Que sera with my song and class...
Paige and I went through the scrapbook I gave her in where I documented the 3 and half years we've been together. Each page brought bittersweet and funny memories which all the more brought tears to our eyes. The separation still havent sank in my consciousness and it was really silly of me to think I'd still see her soon.
Anyways, my class later in the day had been like a blast to me. When I arrived in the center, I was told my practicum's next week and that I'm invited to 2 concerts (i have to pay though to cover for the production fees in which up to now I still am not in terms with the idea that I have to pay them to sing. Yeah, it's exposure for me but still...I still havent said yes to the concert though..practicum's a required one so it's ok for me to pay).
Good thing though that I havent practiced "Emotions" for the day (the head tone in this song feels like my larynx will explode to pieces though coach uly says I have a power head tone).
We had stage pop dancing lessons and being one that's totally void of exercise, I felt like I was drained of all energy after the class. I planned to work overtime but I wasnt able to since I got really tired and sleepy with our activity.
Later in the night, Paige and i said our goodbyes and there was no stopping the tears. It welled up inside us and gushed out of us. Assurances of seeing each other again.....yes i hope so....and soon please...It was really hard seeing her empty bed beside mine...her empty cabinet below mine...her missing jewelries on my "dresser"...her missing towel beside mine...
I tried to watch Beauty and the Beast but I was so lonely I still ended up crying after the movie, for an altogether different reason this time.........
Anyways, monday will be a harder one i bet as there'll be no Paige to be seen in the office anymore..no more Paige to email..no more Paige to rush to when I suddenly thought of something..
Well at least I have a sunday to prepare myself...